Dd1 has just started reception. She went to the pre-school attached to this school and was in the class with another girl (J) who she became friendly with. I met her mum about a month into term (I was off having dd2 for the beginning of term) and we really hit it off and have been close ever since. Both girls are now in the same class in Reception.
J is quite 'feisty' but very cute with it and I've had her round quite a few times. Dd1 has been for a sleepover at their house too and they go to dance classes at the weekend together. I wouldnt say they're as thick as thieves, as they both have other friends but they like each other well enough. Dd1 is very tall for her age and quite mature. J is tiny and they look a real odd couple when they're together. J still has quite a few tantrums and (her mum fully admits) can be quite a handful. J's mum and I have very similar views on parenting and discipline and I can honestly say that J is dealt with very firmly and fairly by her parents on occasions where it is needed.
Last week J had a dreadful day at school and her mum was called back by the teacher - she'd disobeyed several members of staff, had hit another child in assembly and had been spiteful to dd1. Her mum was mortified and dealt with her accordingly - no TV for rest of week, early to bed, fave toy taken off her; and she apologised to dd1 as soon as she saw her the next day. Dd1 has mentioned that J is often spiteful to her at school, mostly name calling. Dd1 tells us that she either ignores J or tells a teacher. J's mum and I actually discussed it the other day and she said she thought J did this to dd1 because dd1 is very placid and doesn't rise to the bait. But she was also very clear that she considered J to be bullying dd1, so I couldnt ask for more support really.
Things have gotten worse today however. I was asking dd1 if she and J were friends again as we walked home from school. Very matter-of-factly dd1 told me that J had called her several horrible names, had smacked her arm, had poked her in the eye and had also bitten her today!! On closer questioning I found out this was on separate occasions throughout the day and dealt with my 3 different teachers/lunchtime supervisors. This would seem to indicate to me that J is purposely singling dd1 out. I'm not sure of their class teacher is aware of each of the incidents but I'm a bit more concerned about it all now.
I was going to write the teacher a letter to be passed on as I'm at work tomorrow and can't get to school but then I thought that I should maybe speak to J's mum first. I'm hoping that I can do it in a way that she won't think I'm tittle-tattling but I know she'd be hurt if I went to school first without telling her. I'm just hoping no more of it goes on tomorrow, before I get the chance to speak to J's mum. I rang her house tonight but she's out. Whichever way I dress it up, J is bullying dd1 isn't she?