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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Death of an old friend

15 replies

IPokeBadgers · 13/01/2015 20:32

Didn't know where to put this, peeked into bereavement board but this isn't in the same league as the losses people are writing about in there. But I have been crying since 6 o'clock when my dad phoned to tell me that an old friend of mine died at the weekend.

I haven't seen G. for years although there was a time when we were great mates. It was a pub-based friendship that developed into something deeper. For the romantics among you, you might understand when I say he was a bit of a kindred spirit. It was a friendship that shouldn't have worked but did....even though when we met i was in my early twenties, tearing through life and swinging from one drama to another, and he was the auld fella in the pub who had the twinkle in his eye and the dirtiest laugh and naughty sense of humour. There was 50 years between us but the craic was mighty and there was just so much laughter. I think I benefitted from his wisdom, and he got the ego boost of having a pretty young woman (as I was then!) pay attention to him!

There was never anything inappropriate or salacious....it was all very innocent.He walked me home from the pub more than once, going out of his way to make sure I got home OK, I cried on his shoulder on many occasions and on just as many we laughed together until the tears of mirth tripped us. He used to call me Flower and flirt outrageously. He gave me perfume once and was like a shy schoolboy giving it to me. He was one of the friends who stood with me as my mum's coffin was lowered into the grave ten years ago.

He was an old man even from the day and hour i met him but he never acted like it....one of those folks who never really lost that wonderful sense of childish fun, if that makes sense?

Lives took us in different directions and contact had dwindled down to annual Christmas cards in recent years, usually with a letter included. When I didn't receive a Christmas card this year I did wonder, and dad confirmed tonight after reading the death notice in the paper. I feel bad that I hadn't kept more in touch, although my life has had a lot of upheaval in recent years, and I believe he understood that. But I am so sad tonight at the loss of someone who was a dear friend at one time in my life.

I will be having a glass of wine and drinking a toast to my auld friend GeeBee. Gone but not forgotten.

OP posts:
evenherfartsarefragrant1 · 13/01/2015 20:35

He sounds a wonderful spirit. Such a loss for you and his friends and family Flowers

IPokeBadgers · 13/01/2015 20:40

Thank you. A wonderful spirit is a great way to describe him!

OP posts:
HexBramble · 13/01/2015 20:49

RIP you're mate GeeBee.
He sounds such a bright star.
Flowers

HexBramble · 13/01/2015 20:50

Your
Can't spell, sorry.

smilingeyes79 · 13/01/2015 20:54

Raise a glass and smile at the memories ... Sounds like a wonderful friendship, everyone needs the funny but caring drinking buddy who dries your tears and watches your back.
RIP x

GlitteryLipgloss · 13/01/2015 20:55

Ah. He sounds like a true gent. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Thanks
IPokeBadgers · 13/01/2015 20:56

He was. A lovely man with such a lust for life. I'm a bit shocked at how hard this has hit me to be honest. Thank you for taking the time to read my post, I just needed to get my feelings out.

OP posts:
QueenBean · 13/01/2015 20:59

While I'm sorry for your loss OP, that is such a lovely post.

Sounds like a lovely relationship and a big loss, condolences to you

Flowers
GrannyGoggles · 13/01/2015 21:01

Remember with him joy. Allow yourself to be sad. And continue to cherish what you enjoyed together.

IPokeBadgers · 13/01/2015 21:10

Thank you all for your kindness. And I am glad my post has conveyed even a little bit of what he meant to me, and how wonderful he was. The death notice mentioned his old address and I am hoping that, even if he was ill in hospital, he might still have received the card and letter I sent at Christmas.... I hope he knew I still remembered him with great fondness.

OP posts:
GlitteryLipgloss · 14/01/2015 19:02

I hope he read your letter. Thanks

SocialMediaAddict · 14/01/2015 19:47

So sorry for your loss.

IPokeBadgers · 14/01/2015 21:42

Thank you. I don't think I will ever know if he read the letter. I hope he did, I think he would have enjoyed it. He may not have been well enough, if he was in hospital he may not even have been conscious Sad It might sound selfish but i am torn between guilt that I hadn't seen him for a long time and glad that i have my memories of how he was at his best. I have seen too many people I love destroyed by disease and it takes a long time to forget the distressing memories.

The funeral is tomorrow so I plan on going to that... Not sure if I will know anyone at it so a bit nervous, met his son a few times in the past but doubt he will remember me.

OP posts:
HexBramble · 16/01/2015 21:20

I hope you're ok OP?
Did you get to go to his funeral?

IPokeBadgers · 18/01/2015 12:32

Hi Hexbramble

Yes, i did go to the funeral, it was fine. Felt very emotional and teary on my way there but was fine once I got there. Was pleased to see that there was a good turnout: I think if there are 80-odd people prepared to come to your funeral on one of the coldest, stormiest days of winter sofar, you must have touched a fair few lives. He was 86 when he died, and done a lot in his life, not sure the funeral really conveyed that....but then I'm not sure how well the minister conducting the service actually knew him? Such is life.

Met a mutual acquaintance at the church, someone I have very mixed feelings about, but hadn't seen him in a long time either so any old animosities (poss too strong a word) have passed. He reintroduced me to our friend's son, so I was able to say my condolences and tell him that his father had been a good friend to me. I hope seeing the turnout and all the folk who cared about his dad will help him in his grief.

The whole thing kind of wrote off my week if I'm honest but I know my friend lived a full life and isn't suffering anymore pain or illness or the indignities that growing older can bring. I will always be grateful to have known him and thankful to whatever power it was in the universe that brought us together as friends. I don't spend a lot of time in cemeteries but I know where his grave is, and on the rare occasion I visit my mum's, I know I can visit his too.

Thanks again to everyone who commented on this thread......I do appreciate it very much.

OP posts:
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