Have name changed for this...
OK, here goes. I have been with DP for 7 years. We originally planned to marry about a year after we met, but I got pregnant and so the wedding was cancelled/postponed/whatever.
I sold my house and moved into his house when I was pregnant. DS was born with a heart defect and was extremely ill, he had to have open heart surgery when he was 5 months old. This is where things started to go a bit wrong looking back. The hospital DS had his surgery in was about 100 miles away from where we live, so we were offered a room in the Ronald McDonald house for the length of his hospital stay. DP said he couldn't stay because of his dog, even though his DM had offered to feed the dog while he was away (she couldn't walk him, he is a big, badly trained dog, and she is a tiny lady), Anyway as I said, she offered to feed him and sit with him for a few hours a day, but DP said no.
I resented the fact that he wasn't there for us, but I put all of my energy into making sure DS was OK. His surgery went well and we were home after 10 days.
Now, the idea always was that he would sell his house and we would buy one together. He ran out of money doing is house up to sell, so I lent him c £25k (some inheritance from my DM, plus proceeds of house sale) so he could finish it. Of course the aim of this was so that when he sold his house, he could pay me back. No problem I thought.
Here's the crazy bit, and looking back I have no idea why we did this, but we found a house that we really liked. It was a big old project, and DP said he would be happy to do it up over time ( he is a tradesman so very handy). So, foolishly we bought it, interest only mortgage. I put 70k of my own money in, DP put nothing in. And then the rot set in.
DP changed when we moved into the house, he was barely working (self employed) and his attitude towards life, me, everything completely changed. We were really struggling for money and obviously that affected our relationship. He got depressed and took it out on me pretty much constantly. He was awful to be around and I started to wonder what the hell I had done. His house didn't sell, so he ended up renting it out, so his other mortgage was covered. I put a few more thousand into the house (new boiler, sorting garden out for DS etc) and also lent him another 2k so that he could buy some equipment for his business.
He got more and more depressed, worked less and less, and he treated me like a skivvy. He was awful to me, did absolutely nothing around the house, and I mean nothing. We argued constantly, so last summer I had had enough, and told him that I wanted us to split up. He didn't seem surprised, or offer to get help for his depression, or even offer to make some changes such as helping me around the house. Nothing. Nada. By this point we were in separate rooms.
The house we are in now needs quite a bit of work doing to it before it can go on the market (think hole in kitchen ceiling, shower in bits, holes in bathroom floor) so I proposed we spent 12 months living in it together and doing it up so I can get the best price for it. This would give him another 12 months renting his house out. I can't afford to live in this house on my own with DS, I would go under. (I am the main bread winner, but my salary is not enough to live on in this house). Fast forward to today, his tenants moved out in November and he has made no effort to get some new tenants in. Now he is saying he is going under, and get this, he asked me to take a 10k loan out in my name so he could sort his finances out ( he is unable to get a loan as he is S/E and has not earned enough.) He said he will make the payments.
We just had a blazing row because I said no. I am not prepared to lose any more money. I said 'what have you ever done for me??' and he seemed incredulous that I could even say such a thing. He's stormed off now and I am sitting here shaking. He is so horrible to me, he does absolutely nothing around the house, so why do I feel so bad? I shouldn't take the loan out should I???