For a family that was once so close ...

[Molotov]

I find it bizarre that the only ones we have contact with now are my parents and my DM's sister (out of my DM's other sister, her brother, my DF's sister, 7 cousins and their kids).

The rift between my DF and his sister is old and due to their parents favoring his sister. My DM's brother just fell out with us all about 10y ago because he didn't feel involved in anything and the fall out with her one sister and niece (my aunt and cousin) was awful. It happened a year ago where lots of very hateful, hurtful things were said by them which I can't (and won't) forgive.

I don't want to pretend to all like eachother just for the sake of it. A loving family should be based on genuine love, not pretence. That was the problem with us all, I think.

But, I've gone from a childhood where I (ad an OC) had a massive extended family to now, at 32yo, where they've all dwindled away and hurt me in the process of going out of my life.

I felt numb, then angry. Now I just feel a bit empty and quite confused

What is going on? Is this some process I'm going through? How can I accept and move on?

Thanks for reading.

I have a similar family. My mother's side is a positive dynasty as she has three siblings, now in their seventies, who all had lots of children and grandchildren. My dad is an only child so the polar opposite. Unfortunately mum's family are rather dysfunctional, there are a lot of second and third relationships, random children born to OW's who pop up on Facebook (I kid you not) and quite a lot of 'NC' - some of it entirely justified, a lot of it around petty squabbles.

I moved 200 miles away from the lot of them many years ago in search of success and they're now no more than a FB-conducted soap opera rather than 'family'. I have accepted and moved on by having my own family, friends, lifestyle. I keep in touch with my brother and parents.

Thanks Cogito, I know that is what I should do. It's just that these breaks have strongly affected me and seem to have knocked my confidence with others (not close family, but friends). I sometimes feel completely socially inept - I clam up sometimes and feel so awkward around others.

Maybe this is just going to take some more time?

Yes it takes time. I'm sorry if your confidence has been shaken and that you've taken the dwindling away process as a personal attack. My view has always been that if someone doesn't want to bother with me it's entirely their loss rather than some comment on me as an individual. I choose the people I want in my life carefully and I'm happy with quality over quantity.

I'm a sensitive person anyway, Cog, but what was said was an actual personal attack and I find myself dwelling on it and thinking what if they're right?. It is horrible.

I've become aware through MN that these relationships were toxic and so me even thinking like this is a remnant of that.

But you are right about focusing on good relationships. I should just try and refocus every time I have a negative thought.

And YY to quality over quantity. What a wonderful perspective

Thank-you.