A close family member has been in a relationship with a woman he met around three years ago. Their relationship has evolved from dating, to very regular contact, staying over, to co-habiting at his home. All fairly quickly but nothing too unusual I don't suppose.
During that period, her employment status has changed (read: resigned) and she has done little about securing alternative proper employment. In fact, having always been a self-proclaimed entrepreneur, seems to have used her new found relationship and the financial freedom offered to try and establish a small business. We suspect that the timing of her new residential status and the business start-up were no coincidence.
This has taken over their lives in the past 18 months, during which time she has placed them under considerable stress with self imposed deadlines, logistical issues, teething problems and an overriding lack of any real, tangible, let alone profitable business. Imagine chasing an unrealistic dream, where you're in too deep, and you believe your own propaganda. That's where she is.
My family member has helped financially, indirectly, as he has enabled her to put her small amount of income in to this business by keeping her fixed monthly costs very low, subsidised no doubt by him. She has never divulged her cash flow situation to him, but the signs are that she struggles for money on a monthly basis, often being assisted by him. He's paid for holidays, weekends away, helps with her family and genuinely could not be more supportive.
In addition, he has been emotionally supportive and although he has his doubts as to the likely success of this business venture, has remained positive based largely on the fact that if he isn't, she throws huge tantrums and disappears, accusing him of being unsupportive. She has little interest in any of his long standing friends or indeed, us, his family. They are at an age where things ideally start to slow down. Time to reap what they (he) has sowed. Not if she's got anything to do with it.
This is now at a point where they've realised it is unsustainable. It appears that she isn't willing to compromise and that its her way or nothing at all. She is utterly demanding and has a history of failed marriages / relationships.
As a family we are trying to get him to see reason and that he can quite easily move on from her and find others who have far less demanding traits and who would allow him to look forward to enjoying a peaceful and comfortable retirement.
He's emotionally attached, of course, to her; their relationship. She's the dominant one. He's been too slow to obtain balance from day one.
Can you offer us / him some guidance as to how best to handle this situation please?
Thanks.