Just trying to make sense of this...

[Shrivelleddate]

Just trying to make sense of this as am inexperienced in dating & it's upset me a bit.

I've been in a relationship for 13yrs so dating culture has changed somewhat. Have been single for 18months so had just got to the point of considering dating/getting out there again.

So I've had a thing about someone for ages, he's in my social circle, knows family etc so thought it a good place to start. He's shown interest in me previously too.

We DTD after a date, I told him that I really liked him and it was the second person that I'd had sex with. in the days following, I could tell it had gone cold. Being the straight forward person I am I text him to say was it just a one night thing then. He asked why and I said I was just worried that it was & it was a shame because I liked him.

He then proceeded to say I had entered into it with zero commitment, I was 'messed up' and odd and that this is why he didn't enter into relationships and this confirmed it.

I had responded to say I wasn't messed up or odd and that I am quite clear what I want out of life. I added that there was no need for either of us to be stroppy/put each other down as we'd just had different expectations which is ok.

I'm left feeling that I have been naive in some way. I hate game playing so I will ask people about what the plan is. Has he been justified in this behaviour? I felt if the situation was reversed, I would have let someone down gently. I'm just at the obsessing stage and a bit put off with dating tbh!

Oh he sounds like a complete knobjockey. What does that even mean "You are messed up"?

It's very scary dating again after that long but use this as an experience to measure exactly what you DON'T want in a man. There are some normal people out there for you I hope!

What a revolting person. How lucky you found out so quickly that he is not worth lusting after. Even if he didn't want a relationship with you, he didn't need to call you messed up and odd. Fortunately, that is the opinion of a worthless individual, so I wouldn't take it very seriously.

There are a lot of men out there like that - and it is difficult to work out as some of them are pretty clever at disguising their true colours.

Maybe don't commit yourself fully until you have had a better chance to get to know someone on a male/female basis rather than social circle knowledge. I must admit, I am faintly horrified that someone who knows you socially prior to the event has treated you so abysmally.

Save yourself for someone who deserves you. He clearly doesn't!!

He's a game-playing muppet and you've had a lucky escape.

I hope you find someone who deserves you

And that is why this Tool is "available".

You may feel a bit rubbish right now but let me point out to you that it's pretty courageous to put yourself out there and say what YOU want, shows good boundaries. Well done you .

Ah, he sounds like someone who thinks "I'm a man therefore can want and have sex with however much commitment I choose. You are a woman and therefore should be the gatekeeper of sex and I won't respect you if you have sex too soon... exactly what constitutes too soon is to be decided by me...". That's why he made the comment "you entered into it with zero commitment..." when you both clearly entered into it with the same amount of commitment so whatever he says to you should also apply to himself!

Well done for being straightforward about it - I think you've dodged a massive bullet there. Hope it doesn't put you off and that the next one is lovely.

Thanks all,

I've always felt equal to guys so will ask people out, be straight with them, say what I want. This experience made me feel like some sort of 'psycho' for expressing my feelings.

I feel a bit better now and on reflection ok for being me.

You don't sound like a psycho to me op. He sounds like an opportunistic twunt. I'm sorry he's been your first experience and I hope he doesn't put you off. I agree that this is exactly why he is single. He sounds awful.

You sound normal, he sounds like an opportunistic twat.

Don't lose heart.

Oh that's a shame to re-start your dating life with someone not nice. You're totally able to sleep with whoever you want, but if it's going to upset you if it's with someone who doesn't want to see you again I'd suggest holding off until you're more confident that's not going to happen. That way you don't get quite so hurt if a guy you liked doesn't want to pursue things. There are lovely ones out there - keep hunting

Knobjockey, revolting person, game playing muppet, tool, opportunistic twunt, opportunistic twat, knob.

I'm saving this summary of your thoughts on this guy for whenever I feel a bit sad about it!