dc's due to meet ex and ow and their new baby. finding it hard. anyone been through similar?

[yummytummy]

So history is that was with exh nearly 20 years. He was physically and emotionally abusive. 2 months after leaving his new partner was pregnant and has recently had baby. All this and our divorce isn't final yet.

anyway to cut things short there has been a plan formulated by cafcass which involves a phased introduction of my kids to the new partner and baby. Kids are 7 and 3.

I am just struggling with it so much. I can see I need to try to separate my emotions about ex affair and the speed of the baby etc from whats best for kids but its hard.

Kids are the only thing I have and I have to send them off every week to someone I know nothing about and their dad who has let me down so much.

its horrible that I obviously meant nothing and he is just keen to pretend that its ok that he has conceived this child whilst still married. Finances and divorce etc still being sorted

I just feel like the kids are still so upset by dad not being around and my eldest says he feels jealous of new baby so I am struggling to see why cafcass etc think its best.

oh I don't know I feel so emotional and confused havnt handled split well am having counselling etc but I don't have any family or many friends in rl for support.

I can't let go of the fact that someone I loved/love so much and for so long in spite of him treating me so badly can so easily just move into a new life without a backwards glance

I hate being alone but I know that I am not really in a proper state for a relationship but I just wish I had someone who cared for me its all I want and it kills me he has it all old kids and new so easily

aaargh I am doing my own head in plz help

Sounds like you had a lucky escape.
Why do you think you deserve that kind of partner?

I'm sorry I can't offer any advice but just wanted you to know your not alone. My ex of 20 years left for ow and she is now pregnant, we tried IVF several times and finally had our much wanted ds 4 years ago, now the ow is pregnant. I am nc with him for reasons I won't bore you with and there is no chance on Earth my ds will ever meet her or their baby. It's awful that your eldest feels that way, these twats really don't get or even don't care about the damage they do.

Thanks justwanttomoveon it does help to know am not alone. At least your ds is protected from them. Its true such men don't care and only think of themselves. How have you dealt with the emotional side of it

It will get better. The counselling will help, and being free from emotional and physical abuse will be wonderful. Don't feel rushed, take your time to recover. Cafcass are doing what they feel is best for the DC, to maintain their relationship with Dad and their new half-sibling. I have had a variety of experiences with Cafcass but the dealings I have seen with DC have been very positive and sensitive (I realise that's just my experience). That means you have to take care of yourself. Use the time you have to heal and be good to yourself.

Honestly, I was a total mess for the first few months, I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep and I'm surprised I didn't dehydrate myself with the amount of crying I did. I saw a counsellor but I'm not sure it helped that much, I think I was so messed up and the counsellor just kept telling me I was better off without him, she was right of course but I couldn't see that at the time. I even bought Paul Mckenna's book on how to get over a broken heart and that really isn't me. Since going nc I have been a million times better. It's given me the distance and perspective to see that he is still a shit but now he's a shit to her and not me and I'm a little ashamed to say I took comfort in that.

He has made out to me (before nc) that she was a better fit for him and they were on the same wavelength. It was really upsetting but it was also total bullshit, they argue a lot and i know he will treat her as bad and probably even worse than he did me. These types of men don't change, if yours was a shit to you he will be to her as well, it might take time but he will and you will just be glad you no longer have to put up with him, of this I'm certain.