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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Lies Drink & Drugs

4 replies

bubblegum15 · 12/01/2015 16:56

Hello everyone
My head is all over the place and I have massive trust issues due to the lies I have been told in the past.
Me & my OH have been together 6 years and we have a 2 year old.
We had a couple of hurdles to get over when baby came along and that was the weed and the drink, I don't do either but he did/does.

So to cut a long story short he apparently gave it all up when baby arrived, 2 years down the line I find weed hidden on top of the kitchen cupboard, I confronted him about a few days later whilst i watched it go down to determine when he smoke it's and he said it was the 1st he had bought in all this time and that he didn't really like it, when I said he must have smoked it whilst out with the baby he denied it and said he was smoking it late at night when we were asleep.
He then said he wouldn't do it anymore, and then one evening he came in really giggly and I accused him of smoking it which he denied but it then came out when he was taking his phone out of his pocket, he threw it away and said he was just given a joint by someone at work and didn't really want it!

Then there is the drink which was a massive problem, before baby he was drinking a bottle of whiskey if not more a day or strong beer, early into babies first months I went berserk over this and said no more that its a problem this went on for a year until I burst, there were 2 bottles in the house and I hid one when he went looking for it I told him he was putting drink over me and the baby, he said he was going to his mums and wanted the bottle so I gave it to him and let him go, next day he called saying sorry and that he would never drink again.........

Now here we are a year and a half later and he is always reffering to how he has been good in giving up the drink!
I had suspicions that he was from the way he was acting but he always said he hadn't, on trips back from the park or shopping with baby I often thought I smelt alchol was told it was an energy drink, this has happened on several occasions.

When I came home the other night I noticed the rubbish had been put out which I thought strange as it was emptied the day before but I could check until he had left for work.

He works part time at the weekend and I have to work full time as his proffesion does not earn as much as mine and mine is steady/safe where he could be in and out of 4 jobs a year, so he has to look after the baby.

So I checked the bin and found just 1 can of cider........ a drink he has never ever drunk in the past, I smelt it and I got that same smell which was supposedly the energy drink, the day it was in the bin happened to be a day I was working away normally I would work at home!

I haven't confronted him as am still in dis-belief and not sure how to yet, today I was working from home and he said he was popping out to the shops and park with LO and came back smelling of it.

So he is doing it whilst looking after our LO and I am just gobsmacked, why would he lie, hide it and do it whilst in charge of LO. :-(

I don't know what to do!

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 12/01/2015 16:59

What to do ?

Throw him out and find alternative child care. He isn't fit to look after a child.

Tobyjugg · 12/01/2015 17:06

He lies, and lies, and lies. He has a drink and drugs problem (it's a problem because he can't seem to stop).

I cannot see what on earth you get from him other than some, rather dodgy, child minding.

I think you need to get rid of him ASAP. One day, his drinking and/or weed smoking will lead to a real disaster.

OhMjh · 12/01/2015 17:27

Get rid of him.

He's perpetually lied to you, put your child's safety at risk and doesn't seem to give a damn. Because you've always forgiven him, he's assuming you will again. You need to show him that that could not be further from the truth and show him the door. Your child and you are worth more than this, you just need to recognise that. There will always be alternative Childcare arrangements you can make.

Justwanttomoveon · 12/01/2015 17:33

Do not leave this man alone with your baby, seriously, anything could happen if he's high and/or pissed. He could fall asleep and the lo could injure themselves/fall/choke and he wouldn't be in a fit state to do anything about it.
He lies about it because he knows it's wrong but it doesn't stop him from doing it. You cannot stop him, he has to make that change himself. I really think your only option is to kick him out, maybe then he will be forced to look at what he's doing and make changes but he won't do that just because you tell him, he needs to know what he will lose, if he doesn't do anything about it and carries on then what have you lost? An alcoholic pothead who is putting your child in danger every time he is alone with them.
Please get rid, if he addresses his issues and does something about them you can always get back together then.

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