Have been no contact with my mum for over a year but she is still pulling my strings regarding money

[IfuckingHateIkea]

I have written about this before (can't remember if it was under a different name...) but basically a couple of years ago before I went NC with my parents, I lent my mum £2000. She has since come into money and seeing as I need the money I have told her that I want it back. I asked her at the beginning of January. I have pestered her intermittently since then only to get very slow or no replies to my texts etc. I asked her again a couple of days ago and she said that she won't be able to give it back to me until the end of the month. She then sent another message asking if I needed the money urgently and asked me to answer honestly. This last bit really pissed me off as although I desperately do need the money I don't think I need to justify to her why. She also has stated in the past the I 'need' her and I don't want this to fuel her belief in this or my apparent inability to look after myself without her.

I have now asked her for a date when she will pay me back so that I can plan my finances etc but she hasn't got back to me. I just feel like she is being a controlling, manipulative cow and this has only confirmed to me further that I don't really want anything to do with her.

She has always been very manipulative, controlling etc with a really unhealthy 'attachment' to me. I wrote a while ago about her never giving me personal space, not respecting boundaries, being critical. I could never relax at home because I just couldn't trust her to not do something really inappropriate etc. My Dad is just a verbally abusive angry man who never has anything positive or nice to say.

This is a bit of a ranty thread but it makes me sad that my parents have always been so unsupportive etc. I'm stressed because I am skint and I really, really need the money! I'm very stressed out. I even shouted at my 3 year old DD today after she did pretty much nothing other be a normal 3 yo. I apologised immediately but feel crap about that too. I think it is all just piling on top of me.

After I get the money back, I have no reason to get in contact with them again. This is the final thing to sort out before I can completely cut them off.

Its a pity you ever lent her this money in the first place because you were never likely to see this at all returned given her overall behaviours. Presumably she promised you that she would pay you back; unfortunately verbal agreements count for nothing here.

She has always been controlling and is still being controlling about this, she is using these funds as a further weapon to beat you with.

I would look into using the services of a credit union if you are in financial difficulties.

How do you think you will get this money back?.

All you can do going forward is stop playing the game that she is actively engaging you in. That money will not be readily returned to you even if you did go to court over it.

Sorry to sound negative but do you really think you're going to get your money back now?

Was it a verbal agreement or written?

I think your mother is playing games with you.

The chances are high you've lost the money I'm afraid.

I think the best thing you can do is to say "yes I need the money that I loaned you desperately and I'd like it repaid by XXX. I've already asked you on this date, this date and this date". Send the letter by recorded delivery.

Then when you don't get it, send her one last letter telling her you'll go to the small claims court.

You do have to back up your threat, but the Small Claims is not intimidating. Have a good look into it and do consider it.

If you don't draw a line that you want it by XXX then you need to let it go. Otherwise she will just use it to prolong contact.

I would say yes I need the money urgently and make up a reason why then see if you get it.

Then go NC

Are any of her messages in text form? If so you have written proof that she has acknowledged that she owes you money. Then small claims court.

Do exactly what granny24 said.

If your mum has acknowledged the debt in any email/letter/text get the paperwork done and have her served!

I was just about to say the same as Granny. If she has acknowledged the loan (and saying "I cant pay you back until...." is an acknowledgment) then you can take that to small claims. It doesnt cost much and she will have to pay your costs if you win.

I agree that a recorded delivery letter saying that if you dont receive the money that she has acknowledged that she owes you by 31 January, you will have no choice but to go to small claims.

Letter Before Action, comments in italics:

"Mrs. X ( don't use the word 'Mum' or other term indicating a family relationship ) I require the repayment of £2000, which debt you acknowledge insert emails/texts with dates. I require this debt to be repaid in full within 14 days of receipt at your address. After this date has passed I shall seek judgment for the debt in the County Court. I shall enter into no correspondence regarding this matter. Yours, etc.