If you and your dp broke up for a year and got back together

[wickedlazy]

If you and your dp broke up for a while then got back together, how long would you say you'd been together?

E.g You were together 3 years, broke up for a year and have now been back together another 3 years.

Have you been together 7 years (counting the year apart), 6 years (ignoring the year apart) or 3 years starting from when you got back together again? Or something else? (Like on and off for 7 years).

6 years.

6 years but had a year out in the middle

Why are you asking? Who are you "saying it" to?

If it's a social question, I would answer 6 years and leave it at that. Telling people you "had a break" is giving them personal info about the state of your relationship that they don't need.

To anyone. A distant relative, a colleague, anyone that could ask "how long have you and dp been together now?"

In a similar situation myself but afraid real lengths of time will out me. Been asked this a lot recently, and never know how to answer.

I think it should be 6 years, but dp argues with me/would tell people that it's been 3.

Dp & I met in July 1994, went out for a while & split up. We got back together in January 1998. I usually say to people we've been together 20 years but that's probably because it's a nice round number. Really, I suppose it's 17 years. I think earlier on I went by the second number. e.g. we'd been together 7 years when we had ds1 but it was 11 years after we met.

Think I've confused myself there!

No rosy that made sense

I guess me and dp will have to agree to disagree. It can make things a bit socially awkward though. Especially as we had ds before we broke up. This once led to one of dp's new colleagues getting the wrong end of the stick and thinking for several weeks that our ds was dp's and another womans. He knew ds was older than 3, but dp had once mentioned that we'd been together 3 years.

He knew ds was older than 3, but dp had once mentioned that we'd been together 3 years.

You've got a child together?? Well then the answer can only be 7 years ( or 6 years - and gloss over). Why on earth would your partner put your child into that position. Son won't remember the one year gap at that age- or is unlikely to.

You owe nothing to social acquaintances quizzing you about your private life. Lie all you want if it suits you.

But if you have a child and you are in an environment you are likely to stay in (place/social circle child will grow up in) please don't hand private informational bombs to people who owe you nothing.

13 year old boy at a party of one of his mates.
mum comes in "but of course that was back when your parents split up for a year? Oh I'm sorry didn't you know?"

devastated child who had no idea

Total time here. We've been together 20 years, married 17 but split/lived apart 2 years and only got back together about 4 years ago. If I said we were only together 4 years it would seem odd as we have an 11 and 7 year old. And when we were apart we were essentially a couple the second year yet not living together. These things are complicated and regardless we have been married 17 years and despite knowing everything at the time the 11 year old now insists dad only lived away for work. What really is the point in arguing with him?

DP and I dated for three years, split up for one and a half, and got back together. We say we've been together for 10 years - which include the time apart. It's easier than explaining and people getting confused about the maths of it all with the dates in anecdotes not quite adding up.

I'd also be concerned that by insisting on disclosing this information (3 years) publicly your partner wants to covertly indicate to potentially available women that your relationship isn't really that stable.

I mean if basically you've been together for 6 - 7 years and have a child together - for the child's benefit, the best interests are creating and maintaining a stable background.

no reason to get into details.

Could you perhaps say 'we met in 2008' and let them do the maths and make assumptions? I'm a bit as to why it's a big deal to your DP, though.

I'm also that he insists on 3 years. What selfloathing said had crossed my mind. More so in the early days of getting back together (when he would say 6 months instead of 4 or 3 years). That's why I posted, to see if it was just me that thought it should be either 7 or 6. I do tell ds through anecdotes that we split for a while "remember when x happened when daddy lived with your gran" so it's not a shock to him someday. He hasn't asked why we lived apart yet but when he does we'll just tell him it's because we were fighting a lot, but we don't fight now so daddy came back.

We met in x year could be a compromise, but I think dp would "forget" and still continue to go with 3 years or not go for it. It's quite frustrating, but everything else is going great atm so I don't want to make a big deal about it. And we have discussed it, so if I mention it again it'll be "did we not already have this conversation". Or "well I think blah blah blah, you have my opinion, end off".