He wants to come back

[sykes]

I'd really appreciate advice on this as am not sure what to do. Briefly, h left ten months ago and bought a flat with his gf - affair had been going on for about eight months and he'd left twice previously in that time to return very promptly - promising "anything". And failed msierably - again. After going through the hell that Spooks and others are currently suffering, I now feel really good - despite other issues - looming redundancy etc. Have started seeing somebody VERY casually and am generally so much happier. A month ago he started talking about wanting to come back and wanted to meet up and talk. I, quite honestly, couldn't face it as amnot sure what I want and he's still living with her ffs. Anyway - after a bizarre phone call from her last week he's now virtually begging for me to give him some indications of whether we may have a future together. I've told him that whether he and his gf split up or not is nothing to do with me and him - it's completely separate and if htat is over it's over and he should deal with it. However, how can I take him seriously if he's still living with her. Latest e-mail is: It looks like we may not get to talk before you go - (offers every evening?). I'm serious about wanting to come back. I miss you, I miss my girls and I miss being part of our family. I know I can
assume nothing and you're hardly going to welcome me back with open arms. But I need a "roadmap" to know how I can work to win your trust back, and
for us to know where/how we move forward, if that is possible. And if it is possible, I'll do whatever it takes to make it work.
I reckon he has to live on his own for six months to see if we have any kind of future - there's counselling etc and I'm not going to put hte girls or myself in a vulnerable position. Haven't a clue what to do - sorry SUCH a long post.

Hi Sykes. When I saw the title of this thread I thought it might be you. Well, you already know what I think and I don't think there is anything new really. I agree with Freckle that it seems he can't be alone. So the suggestion of getting him to live the single life for six months before you consider reviving the relationship is a good one. Then if he still wants you you will both know that it is because he really does, and not because he is afraid of being alone.

I wouldn't even waste any more time thinking about it until he has at least managed that.

I agree with what's already been said syks - he has already left 3 times and is clearly hedging his bets.Maybe you'd be better off wothout someone like that, although it's going to be hard on you and the kids.Sounds like you are doing brilliantly without him! what ( if old enough) do the dds say?

Sorry, donnie, not sure what you mean? The girls would, I'm sure, love to have him back but they're two and four so I'm not consulting them - sorry that sounds rude. But hope you know what I mean? Thanks for your post.

Can't really add to the brilliant advice you've had here already Sykes but I'd agree he needs time on his own to do some growing up and you need that lovely holiday. Enjoy yourselves all three, you sound so much stronger and positive these days. Buon viaggio!

Thanks, am SO looking forward to it. Shan't bore anyone anymore. Thanks.

Oh Sykes, it is very tricky. My H has been teasing me on and off with this particular dilema. Do you still love your H? Could you forgive him? Do you want him back? Would you be happier living on your own or with him?
It is so very hard and what the heart wants is not necessarily what the head thinks is best.
I know for sure now that I couldn't go back and it is for lots of reasons but mostly because I have fallen out of love with H.
Thinking of you.

Message withdrawn

sykes I've only read your initial post so apologies if I'm repeating anything other people have said. I just wanted to say that I think your instincts on this are EXACTLY right. His relationship with the gf IS another issue. And yes he should live on his own for some time to sort his head out. He can't charge back and forth from you to her, that's ridiculous. I think you are completely right, so stick to your guns and good luck X

Sykes you are the best thing to happen to me in all this shite, i love you more than i can possibly believe,i hope we can be friends forevever. Never ever think anything bad about yourself, you are fantastic.

Just to say thanks to everyone for the replies. Am not engaging in any discussion until after my holiday and have just advised him to sort his current relationship out before he involves me in any further intrigue. Off to Lake Como on Saturday and can't wait. Thanks again and look forward to seeing you soon, Bugsy. FF - had you had a wee drink?

Yes, I have, in no uncertain terms. I can't make it any plainer so I shall go on holiday and have a very nice time forgetting about all of this for a while.

I am so full of love when drunk, i'm sure its part of my appeal. Please refrain from using the word wee.
How are you feeling today? Any clearer?

Sorry re wee word. Yes alcohol does encourage a more relaxed and open-minded approach to one's feelings I find. But I do know you adore me when sober. Clear as mud. But have a date tonight so that should help to clarify things further.

sykes, glad you're still felling strong about this. Have a wonderful holiday and signal when you're back. And thanks for Sat.

Thanks, eemie, hope to see you soon and glad you got home okay.