How to re-direct or move on from the anger?

[Somethingtodo]

I have finally pulled the plug on my 30 year relationship (20 years married, 4 kids). It has been a good few years coming - and we told the kids on Wednesday.

It was a v dysfunctional dynamic. Co-dependent/over responsible/enabler (me) and passive aggressive, irresponsible man-child (him). So there was a lot of bitter frustration from me which frequently escalated to anger. I became a person I did not want to be - the nagging, screaming, angry banshee - which led to depression, exhaustion and other health issues due to the corrosive relationship.

He moves out this weekend. I got what I wanted. So why am I still so angry? I need to get rid of or get over this emotion - please tell me how I can do this and how long it will take.

Thanks Meerka - yes that is an effective catch - all phrase that doesnt demonise him or me, but explains my nagging escalating to anger at my STBXH.

I do not scream at the kids - but they have had less of my energy as it has been dissipated in anger to him - they have experienced an exhausted, grumpy, frustrated Mother.....but they have seen me be angry to him and it is ugly and traumatising for them....I need to heal this somehow.

Go and kick shit out of a punch bag or work up some sweat in a gym?

I understand the frustration of knowing that you were right/have been wronged but you won't get any closure on this from him or his toxic Mother.

Have you some friends that you can go out with and have some good fun in adult company? A comedy night? Theatre? Wine Wednesday?

You are doing great, relate and legal advice the way forward. Show your boys the fun side of you too, if they mention the screamy banshee you can just say that when people make each other unhappy they behave in ways that they don't normally and this behaviour is behind you? Make light of it if you can? and show them some fun too?

Yes I just need to book in those friend opportunities to keep myself amused/distracted and to feel valued and put it in perspective - so it is not all doom and gloom. And it is a good point that looking for closure is unrealistic - never had any impact in 30 years did I?

Yes also need to look for fun times with the kids.