Advice needed- partner suffering from some kind of anxiety/depression

[Cullercoats88]

Hi all- not sure if this is the correct thread but I need some advice, would love to hear from anyone who has had similar experiences!

My partner and I have been together for ten years, and I am due to give birth to our first baby any day now. Baby was planned and we were both over the moon with the news.

My partner over the years has had "dark moments" I'm no doctor so would hate to throw the word depression around, but there have been times in his life where he could see no light. It may last anything between 6-24hrs.

Recently these dark moments are becoming more frequent. Since I found out I was pregnant, we decided to set ourselves up in joint buisness, working from home, so we are financially better off, but so the three of us can be together. It seemed like the dream scenario. However 3/4 times a week he is down so low he struggles to do anything, making our daily lives both professionally and privately so difficult. I find it so hard to help him, sometimes I just want to cry other times I just want to scream at him. He says things like "there is nothing good in my life" "I have nothing to live for" and it breaks my heart. I'm about to give birth!!!

I've tried getting him to go to doctors but he won't. I can't have these moments happening when baby is here. I want to understand and support but I just don't know how. It's not a good feeling knowing that this is getting worse, as we approach what should be the happiest times of our life.

Can anyone offer any advice? Would be great to get a mans perspective too! What am I supposed to do to help?

If he won't go to the GP just yet have you considered buying him some St Johns wort (sic?) also encourage him to get out into the fresh air, to eat healthy or suggest you and he go for walks.

Maybe a light box which is good for sufferers of SAD.

I haven't read the thread so sorry if these have been suggested!

Also you could create a post in mental health asking how sufferers of depression cope when they decide that they don't want to take anti depressants as not all people do for a variety of reasons.

That's assuming what he's suffering from is depression. There are several medical conditions, some more common than others, that can result in mood swings or depressive symptoms. This behaviour has gone on for at least 10 years so I think it's a mistake to be looking for temporary fixes until he gets the urge to walk into a surgery.

You're right cogito- when he is happy, I can suggest the doctors and he will agree to making app, but then he slides and can't physically get himself together to go anywhere.

I will make an app for him I think and go from there.

He is very fit and healthy, we do exercise together and all our meals are balanced, so i do feel until there is a diagnosis there isn't much more we can do by way of treatment ourselves.

I feel much more confident to talk about it with him now, thank you all!

I think you have to make it clear that the appointment is key to your future together as a family. i.e. Very serious and not negotiable. I would also suggest that you either attend the appointment yourself or put a letter together for the doctor so that nothing is left out when he gets into the surgery. If he walks in on one of his good days looking fit and healthy and insisting all is OK, you'll be back to square one otherwise.

^ so in agreement with this. Depression is a horrible illness, but he had to take responsibility for his own health.

1. insist he gets to GP - they can go thru a depression questionnaire with him and if he scores high follow from that. how does he deal with stress? what strategies doe he use?

1. get some other support for you and your soon to be newborn.

having a new baby could trigger even more stress in him and you don't need that. ie you don't want to be deal with a newborn baby and his issues.... can you hand him over to his family if needs be? have an escape plan, someone to talk to; some where to go - some where he can go it if gets too much. some where or someone you can get support from if you need it and you not getting it from him.

let you midwife know and speak to your gp about your concerns about him - then your gp will make the decision what to do with that information eg share it with your p's gp or not.

joint business working from home new baby - how will either of you get a break outside the home? plan for something even half hour swimming or gym couple times a week. for each of you.