Silent treatment.

[ImBatDog]

Is it ever OK? Even short term?

If you had a pretty big row with your SO and decided that until they apologised you didn't want to talk to them, how would you go about it? Especially with meal times and the kids?

I'm not perfect by any means. As I've already said we do have a tendency to raise our voices during an argument, which I don't think anyone would say was ideal. Also what you describe isn't what the op has described (at least I don't think so as they haven't been back).

I just think that what people generally mean by "the silent treatment" is horrible to experience and generally solves nothing except drag out the misery for all concerned.

I was talking to Joysmum there.

It's got nothing to do with being perfect joymum, it's about a basic level of decency and courtesy and not behaving like a spoilt child. Everyone has problems, I've been raped, DH has lost people etc. Problems are not an excuse for being a selfish arse.

In fact nothing quite gets my goat as much as when people behave like a petulant brat and then bring up life difficulties as if everyone now has to be ok with being treated like shit because your life is as rubbish as everyone else's.

X post.

Pretty normal situation I'd say for parents: dispute occurs, can't be discussed properly until you both are at home together and dc are asleep in bed.

You agree to discuss it later and in the meantime behave with normal kindness and respect towards the other person. You won't be all lovey dovey while issues are unresolved but you can both be fairly normal until you do have the chance to talk.

I agree cailindana. My husband has cancer and for a while he was very scared and stressed and more argumentative. We still didn't feel the need to ignore each others existence. I would have been very upset if he had given me the silent treatment. Anger is excusable, fake indifference is the kiss of death.

I think you are all kidding yourselves if you believe you behave normally towards one another when a big disagreement has been postponed to a more suitable time. And don't assume because your children are in bed (supposedly asleep) they can't hear you.

Arguments (even postponed ones) are corrosive for the entire family. i'm not sure silence is more do. A 10 yo doesn't sit on the stairs crying at night because her parents are being silent with one another.

Really Alpha.

We could go through a whole meal being silent with one another, but it's a companionable silence. An "I'm not speaking" to you silence is full of pent up resentment and anger. Children aren't stupid.

Personally I think children seeing their parents argue occasionally and resolving their differences like grown ups is a good thing. As long as it isn't aggressive, doesn't involve calling each other names and is definitely not violent. Obviously this needs to be in the context of a loving, happy marriage. I don't think children should be witness to the slow, painful disintegration of their parents marriage, if that is at all avoidable.

Any way the op's social experiment has thrown up some varied answers.