Texting in a relationship

[Justalovemachine]

Bit of a silly one really...TEXTING!!!

I wanted to post after a discussion with my best friend made me simultaneously raise my eyebrows at her and secretly question the strength of my newish relationship!!

Background. She has been with her BF four years. They have has an up and down relationship and at the
Moment are loved up. But...they text constantly! In the morning, on their lunch, all through the evening! When she's round my house or vice versa, it drives me mental!

Me? I've been seeing someone six months and it's going lovely. In the first couple of months we text a lot but now when we don't see each other we tend to just send a one or two a day and maybe talk on the phone for a bit if we get chance.

BF says she would lose heart with this and says the fact the texting habits changed shows we have lost interest in each other!

It made me stop and think. It is more him that stopped. He's very busy at work and I wouldn't really want to bug him all day long! but I honestly don't think we have any issues. It's really lovely and we communicate really well when we see each ither and talk things through whereas she even conducts her disagreements with her BF via text.

So....the question is...do you think texting habits changes as the relationship progresses? Is it important it doesn't change? What happened in your relationship?

Sorry probably I didn't mean to offend or judge anyone else's relationship! Infact, that's exactly how I felt after what my friend said about mine.

You're right, it entirely depends what works for the couple. I guess I just wanted to check that what was happening with me didn't mean anything bad.

Oh, tell your BF to shut up! She's full of shite & just trying to make you feel bad or herself feel better. That her boyfriend or relationship is 'better' than yours.

Your boyfriend is just busy and stressed, it sounds to me. I'd think the last thing you'd want to do is pounce on him with "Why aren't you texting me? Do you still love me? etc".

If the tenor of your communications is still the same, I wouldn't worry. If he's stopped saying 'I love you' to you & has started saying 'um-hmm' or 'yeah' when you do (unless that's normal for him) or if he's seeming uninterested in seeing you when you're both free then maybe you need to talk. If you've been planning a future together, even as castles in the air, and he's stopped, then you need to talk. But if he's just busy and the frequency is less but the quality of the time you spend together is still good & satisfying to both of you, then I'd let it go.

Don't let someone put problems that don't exist in your head. Relationships are different. Even two extremely good relationships can be very different, but equally satisfying and fulfilling to the people in them.

I don't really 'do' texts. I think texting or IMing or any of that ilk is boring and I'd much rather pick up the phone and actually say something if something needs to be said. Random 'Hi babe how r u? Wot u up 2?' missives would drive me spare.

Neither do I think your BF should be at the forefront of your mind all the time. When I wake up my first thought is getting the coffee on! He sounds a bit needy and slightly controlling TBH. I'm always wary of men who tell me what I 'should' be doing.

Ooops sorry OP. You meant BF as in best friend not boyfriend didn't you? I'll get my coat....

Pft, want to know how many texts my D has sent me? Been together 22 years. Had mobiles for the last 15 or so. He has sent 9 texts, ever, and one of those was an auto reply that he sent by mistake!

Your mate is obviously insecure and needy, you sound a lot more sensible OP. Enjoy your relationship as it works for you

Relationships survived perfectly well before the introduction of text messaging.

My personal opinion is that they're useful for keeping people at a distance, rather than bringing them closer. But then I strongly associate the format with Chatrooms, and 'virtual' online relationships.

I'm not a fan. They'll never substitute propinquity.

Your friend sounds like a nutbag. There is nothing wrong with not texting... My bf of 8 months and I see each other 3-4 nights a week, we almost never text on the days we see each other unless it's about what we're having for tea, if he's meeting me somewhere, or similar. Even when we're not together we don't always text every day. Doesn't mean anything - when we're together we're that irritating couple who sit next to each other in restaurants rather than opposite and gaze at each other doe-eyed

I don't need to constantly contact him, I'd rather wait to see him and speak face to face. If we didn't see each other for days at a time I suppose it might be different but as things are it works for us. As has been said.don't let your friend make you feel bad because your relationship doesn't fit her weird criteria!

Quickest way to put me off someone if they text all the time. I have my own shit to do and a life outside of them and can't be doing with being glued to my phone playing text tennis. People who text me too much early in a relationship come across as needy to me and in a long term relationship why would you need to apart from 'can you get some bread on the way home etc'.

My ex and I texted constantly, it just became a habit. My current DP and I do not. My current relationship is much stronger and healthier.

Don't think it had or has anything to do with the texting! At first I missed it but I am totally comfortable without now.

Just checked my phone to see when I last texted DH. We exchanged three texts today, before that the last one was on 28th Dec! Works for us...

I met my DH nearly six years ago. We are very happy. He was never great at texting, now, unless he is away he is particularly crap at texting. He doesn't send meaningless texts all day because he is busting his ass earning a living for our family. Your friends texting analogy is nonsense. If you and your dp are happy then who cares if he texts you all day? Oh, and also, my friend's DH texts constantly when he is away from home. I was a bit because I felt the way you do , why wasn't my DH sending my constant romantic messages? Then I found out my friends DH had had an affair. No wonder he had to send constant reassurance!

AnyFucker, I know what you mean! In my jewellery box I still have the slip of paper my now DH wrote his (landline) telephone number on for me, the night we met.

My DC recently found it, and after they'd finished falling about laughing, bombarded me with questions like "but how did arrange where to meet, what if you were running late, did you have to memorise telephone numbers....." Made me feel ancient!

Didn't answer OP, sorry. Your friend is talking bollocks methinks. Different strokes for different folks, and all that!

Me and my OH text each other all day every day, then do everything together when we are together (it must piss people off haha), have for years. I do't think it shows strength of the relationship, it's just the kind of people we are.

Only is a problem if one of you desperately wants the contact and the other doesn't then one always gets upset. Otherwise, if you're happy you're happy, who cares what other couples do? :)

OP I think your relationship sounds much healthier! I don't get this constant checking in thing, all of my friends and partners seem to be constantly texting each other. Partly I think it's boredom, one of them is in a queue so they text the other etc. but also I think it turns genuine conversation into a dull habit. You don't need a good morning every morning, that would just be as thought you'd trained him to text you when he woke up!

It's funny isn't it... she's adamant there's something wrong with your relationship, and you believe her, yet you could say that it shows insecurity in hers and she wouldn't believe you.

It's great that that works for her, but it doesn't work for everyone.

I get texts from my DH every day (married 5+ years) but not all day every day. He'll be busy at work and I might get a lunchtime message, a message to say he's leaving etc etc. Always an "I love you" in there. Yes it's tapered off over time but not for any bad reason, we live together so...

Honestly I think your friend's relationship is that way because they spend so much time apart. She doesn't know she's at the forefront of his mind unless he texts because she doesn't see him often. I understand if he's working away she'd want to make sure he's thinking of her. LDR's are like that.

If she mentions it again I would simply tell her that as you live together there's simply no need to text all day every day, you know you're on his mind and a text doesn't prove that you aren't, just that his phone hasn't been handy... but you're glad she's happy and she and her bf are doing well.

Just checked my text history with DH - it's mostly requests for one of us to buy cat food.

My mum (pushing 70) is in a new relationship and they text constantly so evidently it's not just a generational thing. Would drive me nuts!