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Original poster

Another baby, or not another baby??

11 replies

jofeb04 · 15/10/2006 17:13

Hiya,
I know this has been done before, but basically I am not sure where else to turn, none of my RL friends understand.
I'm 24, dh is 26, and I feel that I want another baby, maybe not yet, but in the future. However, I am currently on the implant contraceptive, so it's not easy to take out iykwim.
Problem is, my dh deffinatly does not want another and tbh I can't blame him!
With our ds, I was in and out of hospital with pre-eclampsia from 7months, forceps delivery, and a PPH. With dd, I had severe SPD, stil have it now, and my dd was extremely distressed, and was born on the theatre table. I was in severe shock afterwards, and have PND.
I understand why my dh does not want another, simply because of how things went previously, but I feel that I want another child so much (even though I think deep down I don't). Am I going to feel like this for ages?

I don't expect any of you to understand really, I am not sure I do!

But, thanks for reading.

OP posts:

quokka · 15/10/2006 17:28

gosh sounds like you had a rough time and I don't blame your dh for not wanting to put you through that again! If you really want another then don't push him just gently explain how you feel over a period of time maybe?

FreakyFloss · 15/10/2006 17:30

Hi Jofeb. I think that under any sort of cicumstances let alone the traumatic time you had men are often more reluctant to have children than women. I think that we often think of it in very different terms - women a child to love and nurture, to complete a family for men it is more of an issue of providing for another child. In my relationship dp was not keen, and we were ttc - unfortunately i have just lost the pregnancy but i am hopeful dp and i might try again at some point in the future.

I don't know how old your ds is but age wise you have plenty of time (yes this comment does my 25yr old head in too but it is true). It took me untill DS was 21 months to convince dp to try, and even now he is not as keen as me. Yet my months of nagging and explaining my feelings means he knows it is of such importance to me as it is to you. Just try and sit down and discuss it, think out logically all your points - and most of all remember my mothers favourite line 'no two pregnancies are ever the same!'. good luck.

NAB3 · 15/10/2006 17:33

After my first son's traumatic delivery I was adamant I didn't want any more children. My husband supported me but later said he always knew we would have more. When our son was a year we started talking abour it but I wasn't ready. I now have three children and I am so so glad we had more. You are a lot younger than me so have time on your side. You should be monitored more carefully and hopefully next time you will sail through everything. Good luck.

lulumama · 15/10/2006 17:33

my DH needed some persuasion about having 2nd child after traumatic delivery of firrst followed by PND for 4 years...

i knew if necer had another child, would definitely be depressed again, but if i did have another child, only a chance of depression.

so once i had been well and off meds , we went to docs and said we wanted to have another child, but scared of the depression returning...they assured us they would keep a very very close on me ante & post natally and this reassured DH

i had second child , fantastic delivery, no PND and all still well over a year later.....her birth was a real healing process for us....

you have years yet to extend your family - make sure you are well and strong...you say you want another child but deep down you don't...maybe subconcioulsy you know you are not ready yet.....24 is no age at alll.........

peegeeweegeeWITCH · 15/10/2006 17:57

Hi Jofeb

We are in the same boat as you, well similar...
My pregnancy and delivery with ds (now 7) was a nightmare. My pregnancy and delivery with dd (nealy 4) was great, but am still suffering with depression
DH is in his late 30's, I am in my mid 30's and I always thought we would have 3.

Your line ' I want another baby so much but maybe deep down I don't' really struck a chord with me. I feel I really want another, but maybe deep down I don't.....
I don't know how long I will feel like this, but I really really hope one day (soon) I will know whether I do or do not want another baby..

2ndtime · 15/10/2006 18:18

I'm not sure the feelings of wanting another baby ever go away.We have 3 beautiful girls, the youngest is 6, so our lives are settled,no more nappies or sleepless nights. But from time to time I still get an overwhelming urge for another baby. DH has had the snip because I know that eventually the urge will fade and I will go back to thinking "thank god we have finnished with all that malarky!"
As wonderful as babies are I dont think there's room for another person in our family. Dogs, cats, and horses will have to do instead!

motherinferior · 15/10/2006 18:21

Wait a bit. Like 10 years. Or 15. You've got loads of time.

dmo · 15/10/2006 21:51

i have two boys aged 9 and 10
we were in two minds if to have another baby but i think we have decided not too
i still have a yearning but not for the sleepless nights
i too have had depression and feel my health would suffer if we had a child
i now have a niece who is 5mths old so i can do all the nice things with her, also had her overnight (took me 2 days to recover)
i think we women always want children its just that you have to be true to yourself and say stop
i would be very upset if i had anything perminate done like tubes tied but i'm 30 so still young and have the injections every 11 wks which works for now if i change my mind

Judy1234 · 16/10/2006 07:56

Try to persuade him. The second birth might be easier. Not sure it's always fair on a child to be an only one either.
When I got to five I was content. At 3 I wasn't. Best thing I ever did. You only have one life/one chance on this.

throckenholt · 16/10/2006 08:08

Do you think you are hankering after a "normal" pregnancy and delivery rather than actually a baby ?

I sort of feel like that - my first pregnancy was blighted by high blood pressure and ended in induction with a syntocinon drip- which I hated. My second was id twins - fornightly scans and induced at 35 weeks because one stopped growing.

I have often felt I would like to just have one normal pregancy with a home birth as I originally envisaged. But I am fairly certain it would be unlikely to happen (particularly now as I am older) - so I am mostly content with what I have, and wouldn't want to risk my health going through it again.

Maybe your DH is frightened he would lose you if you went through it again ?

ratclare · 16/10/2006 12:35

At 24 you have got another 20 years in which to have another baby ,it may be an idea to let youre body recover from all the ordeal both physically and mentally . Are youre children at school or nursery yet ? How about concentrating on doing something for yourself ,a college course or volunteering and see how you feel in a year .

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