Friend affair exposed, need some advice please

[mrsbluemuffin]

Hey all,

I hate myself for for the way I handled this situation. I have known a friend for a few months now. So, recently about a couple of months ago, she started having an affair with a married man. Not sure if they have slept together yet but from the texts she showed me and their pics together suggested they were closer that I thought. They have been out for coffee several times after school drop offs, he treated her for her birthday, and spend alot of time together. When she first told me that this man liked her and she likes him too, i adviced her to stay away and stop the mini dates and flirty texts. She didn't listen to me so they both carried on. His wife doesn't suspect anything from my observation but I started feeling sorry for her. She is such a lovely lady and they have 3kids together. So, fast forward the whole situation, I started resenting my friend for her behaviour because I know how it feels to find out your better half is having an affair and to make matters worse, it hurts most if its a close friend. I confided on an another friend and asked her to advice me. She didnt say much but she was shocked. Little did I know that she went and told every one from our circle of friends. I don't know what to do, but I wish id kept quiet about it. This happened a couple of day ago.

I'm stressed out because my biggest fear is that if they are confronted they are most likely going deny it and I'll look like am the liar. My friends will hate me and supposedly assume I'm just out to ruin someone's marriage.

Do you think I should speak to my friend who is having an affair and apologize talking to someone else about her affair? I'm really really confused, I hope you'll be abled to understand and help me out.

This is a friend that confided in you. If you're the only one she told, then of course she'll know it was you that gossiped . I'd steer well clear of her from now on, unless you're enjoying the drama.

Next time someone tries to saddle you with their problems or make you complicit in their affair or use you as a willing audience to their ego-tripping and attention-seeking you'll handle it differently. thanks cogito

Very True CleanLines ,, She just wanted someone who would indulge her in listening to the drama of her affair and oooh and aaah when she showed you texts and pictures from the married man

I wish the situation was handled differently but yes i have learnt big time. I hope the poor wife will be ok. I'm worried if she decides to confront me at some point.

Reading back, I'm sure you'll have the wherewithal to tell her in no uncertain terms that you don't want to be part of it. It goes against all politeness that we've been taught! But she shouldn't put this on you, and you don't need to take it.

Who will confront you? The MM's DW? I think you're seriously overplaying your part here. If the affair comes to light the people most likely to get it in the neck are MM and your friend the OW. You say you hardly know the family in question. Do you think the DW is going to tackle every casual acquaintance and say 'did you know about this?'

BTW.. the correct answer if someone ever does say 'did you know about this?' is that it wasn't your place to interfere. Which it wasn't.

Yes I reckon she might come up to me or perhaps when we bump into each other(small village we live in) she'd ask.

This woman is no friend of yours. Freeze her out immediately. You don't need to apologise. Hold your head up high. Someone who gloats about screwing some other woman's husband is grade A shit of humanity anyway.

If she comes up to you and starts accusing you of all sorts (betrayal or whatever), then just laugh in her face and call her a fucking hypocrite! Who the hell is SHE to make moral judgements on your behaviour?????

If the wife corners you, then do whatever you like. You can lie and deny it, or you could look her in the eye and say "Yes. I'm sorry. I told OW it was shitty and to leave well alone, but I'm not responsible for her actions, nor those of your husband. But I am sorry that this happened".

If she gets angry at you it's probably just because she is lashing out at everyone and everything.

I know you are probably panicking, but try and calm down. If she was gloating at you then no doubt she's been doing it with others. This is someone you've only known a couple of months, not some bosom pal from your childhood.

Absolutely kakay , thank you. My friend OW has come up to me and accused me of betrayal big time. I had to apologize and i was in tears. I told her I'm sorry that she has been exposed, it wasn't my intention but I was resenting her for not taking my advice earlier on --->to stay away from the MM

Sorry but you're letting yourself be put in a position. It's not your business & it never was your business but you let her involve you and it has to stop right there. It is not your responsibility to tell the DW anything at all. It is not your obligation to fix the OW's mistake. This woman is emphatically not a friend if they are trying to guilt trip you into covering up for them... don't you see that?

BTW... definitely sounds like she wanted the secret to come out. Hence the smile. No need for guilt therefore. Please walk away from this manipulative and nasty woman who will keep on exploiting your naivety.

You are letting this woman bully you.

Why on earth did you apologise?

Next time you see her, walk up to her and tell her you've been doing some thinking, and frankly, it's odd she should get so angry about your so called betrayal, when she seems to find it a VERY attractive quality in her bed partners. She's got a fucking nerve to question your moral integrity, and you want NOTHING to do with her, or her sleazy affairs. Whilst you have no intention of speaking to the wife, you also have no intention of covering for her. If she's not happy with that then maybe she should give a bit of thought to her reputation before getting into bed with a married man.

Then turn heel and leave.

Stand up for yourself love. Don't let someone like this walk all over you.

She sounds lovely, especially wanting yo to lie for her. She's no friend. Dump her and be honest if the wife asks you.

What a bizarre thread. From the unlikely story-line, to the mix of English and American spelling coupled with the strange sentence structure.

It's not that bizarre a story. Someone makes friends. friend brags about affair. Person involves asks third party for advice. Word gets out. Original person pissed off.

It's not particularly dramatic if it was a troll.

For the syntax and spelling - I'm sure there are plenty of posters on the boards who have english as a second language.

Thank you all for your support and advice. I feel quite low at the moment about the whole situation. The MM and my friend have indeed manipulated my naivety. I will walk away from all these people and take care of me and my daughter. I'm a christian and so are all the people involved in this messy situation. I am deeply saddened by the level of hypocrisy in the churches.