I've nc'ed for this and will try not to give so much information that I out myself ..
I am married to my second dh, I divorced from first dh 20 years ago and have 2 dc from first marriage, 1 dc from current marriage. Dc from first marriage lived some of the time with us, some of the time with my ex dh. Now they are grown up and have left home.
Dh says he loves them, but is very intolerant with them, always has been. To be fair edd was not easy when she was growing up, but dh was very laid back when I met him and had a lot of patience, now he's turned into this grumpy old man, bitter and resentful of others. He whinges about little things, like them not putting stuff away, not bringing cups down from their room. He speaks to them in a tone of voice that gets their back up, he's very condescending and sarcastic, winds them up that way and then doesn't understand when they get angry at him.
Now my ds doesn't want to visit anymore because he doesn't like him (so edd told me the other day). Edd still comes, not often because she lives far away, sparks often fly between them.
On top of that I don't like the man he's become. As I said above, he's grumpy all the time, bitter, miserable, set in his ways. He's lazy and slobby, only showers for work, not for me, and that not often, eats cr*p and puts on weight, doesn't want to do anything much except watch TV and eat. He does nothing around the house, no DIY, not even mowing the lawn unless I nag. I work part time, so do the cleaning and cooking, but don't see why I also have to be in charge of the garden and redecorating etc. He doesn't care about things looking nice. He only wears jeans and geeky tshirts unless at work and tbh I don't find him attractive any more.
I don't feel like having sex anymore and only do it for him to keep him quiet - not that he nags about it, or forces me, just I feel I'm not being fair if I don't. I'm finding my age has affected my body (perimenopausal) and this makes it quite uncomfortable at times, I'm also depressed, taking anti-depressants, which have affected my libido, and tired, so sex is the last thing on my mind, I just want to sleep when I get to bed. He snores loudly too.
I know marriage is meant to be for better or for worse and I too have put on weight and am not judging that he has gained a few stone. He was always big and doesn't see a problem with it.
I don't know what I want. I don't want to put my ydd through a divorce, after seeing the older two struggle with it so much. She loves her dad, even though he does little with her and is struggling to be tolerant with her now she's a teenager.
I only earn approx. £500 a month at present, working from home and even if I worked full time I'd struggle to earn more than £1,000 a month in my job (typist/secretarial) and probably would spend a lot on travelling, as I live in a village. Plus I would need someone to spend time with my dog and walk her too if I was out all day. So I feel I can't afford to leave him. We have little equity in the house and tried selling it recently at a realistic price, but had very few viewers. The mortgage is too expensive for me to pay alone and we have arrears due to dhs employment problems - he was out of work for quite a while and just started a new job recently.
I guess I maybe would get some help, but I think life would be very difficult.
Also I'm scared, just plain scared, to go it alone. I haven't lived alone for so long, I always hated being alone, I'm worried I'll never get out of bed if there's no one but dd there ..
I do regularly see my gp to discuss my depression with her and I think things are improving a little, but my relationship with dh isn't helping matters.
Sorry this is so long and thanks for reading my long essay!!