Am I too soft with DH

[2soft]

There is nothing wrong with our relationship as far as we are concerned, but I wondered if anyone thought I was too soft and smug and was in for a fall.

The reason being I let my husband do what he wants within reason.

1. He is going away on a lads holiday .
2. He is going away on a stag weekend to amsterdam
3. He tells me when he has been chatting to women and I don't mind
4. He can go wherever he wants with who he wants and i never question him, only ask him to ring me if he is going to be late.
5. He goes out about 3 times a month with the lads whilst I mind the kids (My choice not to go out with friends, could if I wanted).
6. Sometimes when he has gone out he has got that drunk (he thinks he can still drink as much as he did when he was a youngster) that he can't walk home so he crashes at his best mates house which is nearer town.
7. In summer he quite often goes to the races
8. Sometimes has a couple of pints after work.

Just wondered if all this sounds soft, I trust him implicitly and he does me, its just that when I talk to friends some of their partners seem surprised at the freedom that I give him.

As far as I'm concerned, I shouldn't have to give him freedom, just cos we're married doesn't mean we stop be individuals iykwim.

Just wondered what other mumsnetters think.

(I have changed my name for this incase anyone thinks its a daft question).

I think you should be careful letting him have his own life yet you not having one outside the home (children etc) - at some point you are going to be without our children at home and it is a good idea to have a life of your own now so you can carry on with it once they are gone!!

Twinkie, i do go out with friends and have friends round here quite alot, especially when he is on nights, I also go to the gym etc during the day, but I'm not bothered about going boozing and to the races etc.

No I think you sound like a normal person to me. The only stipulation I put on dh's life is that if he is going to be much later than he said he should call me so I don't think he has been run over/blown up.

Mind you he doesn't go out that much on his own. Blimey I try and make him sometimes!

I do go out on my own too, though not much. We mainly go out together.

And he rarely gets blind drunk (maybe twice a year) but I think he is hilarious when he does!

No I never was - mind you when I decided to he wouldn't let me anyway

I would just go on your relationship and how happy you both are 0 ignore your/his friends - they sound jealous of your relationship -you sound a very strong independant woman. X

my dh has same freedom and I do not mind at all, I have the same option and take it whenever I can.
If you both are happy then there is no problem, but you should get out more

I think you've put your finger on it about being individuals and not 'giving' him freedom. If you're happy, that's lovely. Be nice to get out more on your own, but hey, I know just what you mean!

I think it sounds like you have a wonderful, trusting relationship and I doubt you have anything to worry about - I presume the implication people have when they think you are being too soft, is that he might be unfaithful to you? I always think if a man is going to cheat, he will cheat regardless of how often he goes to the pub or whatever
But I agree, you should go out yourself a bit more too - needn't be a wild night out on the town, I'm not much into that myself, but I do like to have a meal out with a girlfriend or two, or go off to virgin vie et al parties

You sound normal to me as well.
DH goes out with the lads only about once a month( his choice), but he does play alot of golf, about 2-3 times a week and this is likely to increase now that the light nights are here.
I've no problem with this, as long as he sometimes leaves me the car, so that the kids and I can do something else. He has been away on golf weekends with his mates. When we go out on the town seperately we never state when we'll be back,I just like to go with the follow, so don't expect DH back by a certain time either, I only like to know a time if it's evening and I'm preparing food.
He played golf early on Sunday morning, with three mates,he was joking when he came back, that none of the others were going back to a roast dinner, as their wives were all in a stropp, as they had gone out so early.I'd rather this as he was back by 12ish leaving the rest of the day for family time.

Good for you, it sounds like you're happy and strong together. We are very different, we do more or less everything together by choice (my friends think its sweet!).