Everything he does annoys me

[jammygem]

I've been with my DP for about 6 months now, so not that long. We met as colleagues and still work together, although in different departments.

He still lives with his family as it works out best financially for him. I've met his parents once before, and he asked me to stay with him for a couple of days over Christmas (not Christmas itself, I was with my own family then)
I don't know why but everything he did started to annoy me when I was staying there- the stupid face he does when making fun of someone, his constant fussing, how nearly everything he says begins with "it's interesting, ...", how he would just go off and leave me with his family when he knew how nervous and uncomfortable I felt, even just his singing as he goes about the house started to annoy me. He's younger than me and I became painfully aware of just how young and immature he is, especially compared to his siblings who are all older. I think part of all this was him trying to 'show off' in front of me.

He has been trying to impress me recently with the way he dresses- I have always listened to metal music and I think he believes that he needs to dress a certain way to impress me or something- I don't quite understand it as looking at me you'd never guess I listen to that kind of music either, it's not as if I dress in the typical 'metal' style. He is usually so smartly dressed and I really like it, but has started to wear black t-shirts, lots of leather wristbands and chunky metal necklaces - I know I'm not the only one to notice because his brother commented too. He's clearly not comfortable as the wristbands and jewellery disappear after a few hours and he'll change into a shirt by the evening, so I don't understand why he bothers. I like how he normally dresses, I like the person he normally is, I don't like all these things he's been doing recently to try to impress, he just comes across as a knob to be honest.

I know I sound so bitchy and stupid, but it has reached the point where everything he does and says annoys me. I'm not seeing him until Tuesday and whereas usually I'd be really excited, I just feel like I don't really want to see him at all. I'm not sure how to fix this or even if it's worth fixing. Everything was going so well but just thinking about him annoys me at the moment. I want me old partner back,not this new annoying immature guy.

Oh dear, I do sound very immature and bitchy myself....

I think you should break up with him, as nicely as you can. Cite irreconcilable differences and wish him well.

It sounds like he could be desperately trying to impress you because he senses you're losing interest!

In a rare moment of Mumsnet-ness I think you should just call it a day. If he annoys you now, just wait another few months and then you'll want to kill.

Agree with WarySara! Think the relationship has run its course...

Why can't you just tell him to stop wearing things that aren't really him? Would that help? have a chat about your feelings so that he can relax and be himself because that's the person you like. Maybe he needs to hear that.

Sounds like the relationship has run its course.

I think I'm going to have a chat with him. Trouble is, he has such low self-confidence and we've been working together to improve it, but any comment I make about me not liking the things he's started doing but missing the man I fell for in the first pace will be seen as a huge criticism, rather than a compliment. I don't want to upset him or to knock his confidence when he's been doing so well recently.

I do feel like we've run our course but I wouldn't want to given?? up without at least trying to sort things out. It's also a bit more difficult because we're colleagues, although we knew that risk when we started.

The idea of courting is to find out whether you get on with someone, so surely you don't need us to tell you to end it if he annoys you?

Just because you are in a relationship does not mean you have to stay with someone forever. Just end it and leave yourself open to meet someone who you do get on with.

Trouble is, he has such low self-confidence and we've been working together to improve it,

Are you his therapist as well?

You don't have to knock him, or upset him - just say that it isn't what you are after and spending time together didn't do it for you.

Otherwise, you will get deeper into feeling sorry for him and 2 kids and 10 years later, you will be back here wondering what happened.

Right, I will talk to him on Tuesday to see if we can get back to normal, but I think it's going to end up with a breakup if I'm honest.

You shouldn't have to 'work' on a relationship after only 6 months! It should be fun! It sounds like you've realised that he isn't the one for you. Don't string him along - that won't help his self esteem. Make a clean break, explain why and move on. You're allowed to do that you know.

Sometimes my dp irrirates the fuck out of me. but we have been together 22 years

oops posted too soon. was going to say that at six months i still thought his shit smelt of roses

I've never been the one to do the actual 'it isn't working out' speech before, it's always been the other person. I'm not really sure what to say that isn't going to come across as horrible. I guess I could not offer any detailed explanation but it would be even harsher to not give a reason.

Having been in a similar situation before with the roles reversed, I am acutely aware how big a blow to his self-esteem this could be, and while I'm not his therapist I care enough about him to not want him to feel less confident.

I realised I also forgot to say that this is his first ever relationship, so is all new for him.

Basically, you're all right, I know it hasn't worked out, but I have absolutely no idea how I go about telling him this...

When you have been given a speech, what would have helped you?

For me, i think saying that it wasnt working, and it would be unfair on him to continue and thus stopping his chances of finding someone with whom he could have a fantastic relationship with, is the better angle. And dont forget to tell him your mind is made up, as they often tell you that they will change amd all that jazz.

If he starts being nasty, you could just tell him the truth, that he annoyed you but thats not to say someone else more suited wouldnt love all his habits...thats the point of dating, to work it all out.

Dumping people is horrible but best done as soon as possible once you stop feeling it.

Dumping people gets easier with practice :) DO tell them they are a nice person but just not right for you.... DON'T give them a withering run down of all their faults (unless they are really being a PITA and refusing to stay dumped.)

You've got to do it, it won't get any easier or less painful if you leave it longer.

Thanks Funky, that really helps, I like that angle.

I guess I've just got to bite the bullet. I know it's for the best for both of us but I can't help feeling like a horrible person.