Hi
New to Mumsnet, finding your posts helpful. Here is my situation, any advice gratefully taken. Me and husband been together 20 years, I'm 41. We have 2 children aged 18 and 16. I thought we were happily married until his behaviour changed about 18 months ago. He started going out a lot without me, arguing and storming off to sleep at work or in his car. Last March he said he didn't love me anymore and wanted to leave. I was devastated and tried to make things right. Eventually after me getting sick of the bad behaviour from him I agreed he should move out. We told the kids but then he changed his mind. Anyway, the behaviour continues on and off with me constantly checking up on him, nosying at his phone whenever possible (which he had always deleted every single sent and received text from whenever I looked) and me not believing a word he says. He is constantly denying any other women are involved. On one night out a few weeks ago he got drunk and left our local pub before me. When I got home an hour later he was asleep with his phone in his hand. 2 texts are there. One from a number with no name saying "do not text again" the other saying "why are you being like this?". Sent Texts box deleted as usual. Big row ended with him saying he didn't know who they were and him getting dressed and staying out all night again. But I had photographed the texts first on my phone so I had the numbers. Texted both numbers and got a vague reply from the "do not text again" suggesting to me that husband was bad news and I was better off without him but no elaboration. No response from the other. Fast forward to week before Xmas, I texted husband I still loved him whilst squiffy and we were both on respective Xmas work dos. Got a reply saying he didn't believe me, and he had met someone else anyway. I replied he could stay away from the house in that case. 3 days later when I was out at work he messaged that he missed me and our home and he only sent the message because it was what her said I'd been badgering him to admit to for months and it was what I wanted to hear and wasn't true. He asked coulld he come back for Xmas. I relented AGAIN because I did still love him. Xmas not bad, we do get on ok really, had a laugh together, swapped gifts etc etc. New year came and i asked him to move in with his sister to think about what he wanted and stop mucking me around. I also decided for another fishing trip and texted the woman who replied to me again asking for more info. Basically she told me she had been seeing my husband, but TWO years has passed and she is happy with someone else now but he still texts her even though she's told him not to. So he must be onto someone new now. I cannot believe it. Well I can but hes spent the last year convincing me I was paranoid and that it was all in my head. He's at his sister's still, which is another complication as she is one of my best friends who I knew before my husband. She's been talking to me about his odd behaviour and trying to help me all year so I've kind of lost her support now even though she says she won't take sides, when it gets messy she will. Not told anyone but her about the text from the woman, and kids don't know either. What shall I do? I texted him yesterday telling him I knew about his affair and my text conversation with the woman but he hasn't responded. In all fairness the woman was really nice, it's not her fault he's a scumbag!