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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Getting my own back

24 replies

mumatha · 04/01/2015 02:03

Today my partner has surpassed himself as a controlling twat and I would dearly like to get my own back on him.

In a nutshell, after some incredibly stupid antics on Xmas Eve (see previous post - thanks everyone who replied) we survived Xmas, largely because I gave, gave, gave - and, especially so because I did not want any more drama to upset my recently widowed mum.

Anyway, fast forward to New Year - quiet but ok. Still some needy, controlling stuff from partner but small scale. Do-able. Plus some good stuff from partner - yes, really.

Then today - on a day trip out I discover that he not only went through my bag on Xmas Eve while I slept and worked himself into a total lather over nothing, but that he HAD TAKEN MY FRONT DOOR KEY OFF MY BUNCH OF KEYS!!! SO I COULD NOT GET BACK INTO MY OWN HOME HAD I NEEDE TO DO SU USING MY KEY. i had not had occasion to use this key over the festive period, and, as I have large ish bunch of keys, had not noticed it missing.

I was livid, but now am calm. he cannot hurt me any more.

So suggestions please as to how I can get my own back on him. I live with him and am considering my next move - I know you are all going to say move out / on asap, and I will do so. but in my own time, and only after I have put him through something akin to the crap he has put me through.

OP posts:
DPotter · 04/01/2015 02:05

in one word - leave.

Just that - leave him and leave him wondering what you'll do and then do nothing...............

BOFster · 04/01/2015 02:05

Just fuck him off- why the games?

AnyFucker · 04/01/2015 02:07

Don't play tit for tat games

just leave without a backward glance and no word of explanation

that will be your best revenge

BOFster · 04/01/2015 02:08

What do you really expect? "Ooh, sew some prawns into his car seat"?

What the fuck is the point?

handfulofcottonbuds · 04/01/2015 02:11

I find putting mustard cress seeds on the carpet and turning the heating up works a treat!!

Seriously though, just go, or get him to go. Rise above childish games.

TheCowThatLaughs · 04/01/2015 02:13

The best revenge is to live well, innit

dirtybadger · 04/01/2015 02:14

What'll it be, road kill or faeces?

Alternatively just leave. Fuck it.

AmantesSuntAmentes · 04/01/2015 02:18

So, you don't like the things he does but you want to those things too? Confused

Be the better person. Leave it and leave him.

Waltermittythesequel · 04/01/2015 02:19

Ffs why?

Just leave.

ChristinaMatthews · 04/01/2015 04:59

Get your revenge by leaving without warning or explanation. Keep your dignity - rise above his nonsense.

Joysmum · 04/01/2015 08:45

Getting yourself out of this mess is far more important than revenge. You're voncentrating on the wrong thing. The only thing that will make you feel better is to get free.

Charlie97 · 04/01/2015 08:46

Another one here saying don't! Just leave with your head held high.

Moniker1 · 04/01/2015 08:48

He has 'won' whatever happens as you are wasting hours and hours of your life thinking about him and your revenge.

You have won once you have a new life without him.

FunkyBoldRibena · 04/01/2015 09:11

How about this: change the locks whilst he is out and throw all his stuff onto the lawn/front garden.

Win/win

Original poster
mumatha · 04/01/2015 16:22

FunkyBoldRibena - I like your style!

Thanks all, again, for your support. I know I should leave but mad as it sounds I still love this man. And it's just the sheer injustice of it all that pisses me off. I know it takes two to tango but I have really tried my hardest to be thoughtful, kind, fun, considerate and giving. And I just get grief back on a regular basis.

OP posts:
Lweji · 04/01/2015 16:29

Look, the only way you can get your back on him is by reporting him for stealing your own key to the police (this is abuse, you know?), getting a shit hot lawyer and serving him divorce papers.

Trust me, he will hate that the most.

Anything else is just shooting yourself on the foot, because you are playing the game.

MorrisZapp · 04/01/2015 16:31

Don't fuel the drama. You can't get your own back, he doesn't care. Leave him and have a lovely stress free life.

gamerchick · 04/01/2015 16:33

Being with this man has got you to the point you want to inflict the same torture on another human being. I understand that but it's fucked up.

Where will it end if you go down that road?

Tyzer85 · 04/01/2015 16:35

OP stop adding to the drama and simply leave him, it'll piss him off more than any pathetic idea of 'revenge' will.

AnyFucker · 04/01/2015 16:59

You are staying with him then ?

FunkyBoldRibena · 04/01/2015 17:05

I know I should leave but mad as it sounds I still love this man.*

Well, your look out love. What is the point of having eyes ears and a brain if you refuse to act upon what you see, hear and witness?

Waltermittythesequel · 04/01/2015 19:21

You love him but want to fuck with his head because he fucks with yours.

Do you even realise how unhealthy that is?

Joysmum · 04/01/2015 19:26

If you love someone, you don't deliberately hurt them as he has with you or as you want to do to him.

I question your 'love' for this man and his for you Confused

Trills · 04/01/2015 19:34

You sound very immature.

You also sound as if you need a good slap, for your own good.

You want to "get your own back" but you also want to stay with him?

Neither of those things will do you any good.

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