Desperate situation with mil please help

[Mummy2b83]

Hi I've married into a family with a very sad situation, my husband has lost two of his brothers to cancer. One aged 14 died 10 years ago and just before we met, the other died aged 27 a year after we married. Since then he is a single child. My mil is deeply depressed has been in and out of hospital, high risk of suicide. My FIL is an uptight damaged man who puts up with his wife's depression and his loss. Together through the years they have repeatedly criticised me on how I run my house and accused me doing saying things which I haven't. My hubby has tried talking to them on numerous occasions however it hasn't made any difference but got worse. Since giving two kids which they adore they have been even more difficult, highly critical, as we live 5 hrs away from one another when they come and stay they dismiss me, refuse to eat my food etc. I have continued to be polite with them despite them not giving a shit about me. For me the last straw was after staying with us for 10 days refusing to eat my food, refusing to ask me how I am etc. on new year eve I went to wish my mil a happy new year and she basically pushed me away and walked off, I'm no considering stopping my contact don't really know if I should have minimum contact or no contact also but not sure how to go about it as the situation is so delicate any advice would be much appreciated. Thankyou

Hubby and I have considered seperating over this before we had kids but after mil had treatment things seem to get better then we went on to having kids etc. Other than this issue we are a happy couple he is a very good man and i feel it would be foolish to spoil our happiness due to his parents. I am aware that I am a scapegoat and punchbag so I will no longer tolerate that, I have been very clear with dh about where I stand and he is supporting me.

Thank you blessed and everyone, I am starting groups to manage stress and avoiding all contact with in laws. I am more and more aware that things need to change and unacceptable behaviour is unacceptable no matter how poorly a person is. I'm praying I will overcome this hurdle and hubby and I can move on with our lives. I am so tired of the cloud of death, depression hanging over the family that I choose to be strong and remove myself and my children from the situation.

Mummy I am SO pleased to hear that.

You ARE doing the right thing.

I don't doubt it will be difficult - and it will be stressful at times - but I have been in a similar situation with my MIL and DH.

We cut contact with his mother and father because it was affecting our life together so much- it started to make my DH depressed.

I can say that whilst it is a sad situation for my DH , we are all now free from MILs bullying and our married life is much more stable and happy.

sometimes cutting contact with family members is a much needed measure to retain our wellbeing and that of our children. . . Please do not ever feel guilty - you cannot take responsibility for the behaviour of your IL's - only they can do that.

Things will get Mummy, they will. x

Well done. These family things are hard to deal with, but you need to do it for your and for your children, who will be aware of it all at some level. You sound very kind.

Glad to hear your decision mummy it sounds absolutely the right one for you and also for your children. This is such bad stuff for them to be around too. Hope your husband supports you. The family meetings to tell you everything you've done wrong are just jawdropping!