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Relationships

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Original poster

An acquaintance has asked to be a Uni Buddy for me...

25 replies

WTFisaUniBuddy · 03/01/2015 19:10

And I was a bit

Back story is that a week ago I found this amazing course, very specialised and vocational and everything seemed to just click - it was perfect for me! It isn't a well known vocation and is pretty niche but there is a local Uni to me that does the course and a few friends work in the environment and so I asked on FB for any contacts for advice on the career.

Uni Buddy apparently didn't see this status.

Two days later is NYE and I put a mini synopsis of the year so far and how excited I was to be hopefully studying for a degree this year.
Under this Uni Buddy asked "which course are you doing? Would you like a uni buddy?"
To which I replied "Erm, not unless you are planning to be a XXXtitle of jobXXX !?! "
She then wrote a long post about how yes actually that was something she would love to do and has had recent experience in the department.
An hour later I get a private message asking which Uni I would be studying it at, as she is also local, and saying that SHE looked into the EXACT same course "several years ago" !
I haven't replied because frankly there are many reasons I don't meet her very often and the idea of spending 3 years in any kind of close quarters is frankly horrifying. It has sadly become a case of keeping your enemies in plain sight and trying to be the better person by being 'friends' on FB. I don't trust her as far as I could throw her. There's a longish back story but I don't think it is particularly relevant so won't go into that.

My question is, what do I do now? Continue to ignore? De-friend? Tell her I don't think she should base her future career on something I want to do?

OP posts:

trainersandaches · 03/01/2015 19:28

I had a similar situation when I was in my early 20s.

I was temping to raise money for a post-grad and got on well with someone I temped with. When I mentioned I'd be going back to study, he asked if he could apply for the course too. I was a bit as he was 36 (I was 22) and it was a very niche qualification, only a handful of places in the country ran that particular course and he'd never expressed any interest previously in the career I had chosen. Looking back I was v naive as he clearly wanted more than I did. It was quite creepy really and unnerved me as I'd just thought of it as a 'work friendship'.

In the end I was v non-committal about whether we'd hang out once we started the course and I just detached as much as possible - once we'd started the course I tried to make friends and just keep my distance. In fact most people didn't realise we actually knew each other before the course started.

I'd just be friendly but vague to her (if indeed she does end up on the course).

therockinghorseroll · 03/01/2015 19:34

What's a Uni Buddy?

Original poster

WTFisaUniBuddy · 03/01/2015 19:41

I think she wants to do the same degree course (keep wondering if I had said I was going to train to do funeral direction she'd have jumped at it too!) with me for 3 years therockinghorse.

I haven't replied but I don't know if I should confront it or just leave it.

I don't know if she will get bored of the idea if I leave it as it is and perhaps move on to someone/something else, or if she will just be there on enrolment day! We only see each other maybe twice a year but she is moving to the same town next month (she was in a village nearby before, not miles away) which could mean she is around more often.

OP posts:

ZammoMcGuire · 03/01/2015 19:44

wtf is a uni buddy

ZammoMcGuire · 03/01/2015 19:45

why cant she do the same course?

HolyTerror · 03/01/2015 19:50

Aren't you jumping the gun a bit? From what I can gather, you haven't even applied for the course, far less been accepted on it. You can't prevent her from applying, obviously, but why assume she's applying because of you and wants to spend three years stuck to your side?

I would see it as a lesson about over sharing on FB when you have, inexplicably, people you dislike among your 'friends'. You've given her the information that is putting you in this predicament.

TracyBarlow · 03/01/2015 19:51

I'd be polite but non committal. Just reply saying 'Ok well good luck with whatever you choose to do?' And leave it at that.

I wouldn't ignore in cas edge ends up on the same course but I wouldn't be promising to be her best buddy or anything.

I bet she doesn't apply anyway. It's not something one can do lightly or essily as a mature student (presuming you are one)

Original poster

WTFisaUniBuddy · 03/01/2015 21:16

She is of course free to do the same course. I just find it a little unlikely that someone who started off by saying "which course are you doing? Would you like a uni buddy?" was thinking of that specific course and had indeed looked it up several years ago. I don't agree it is my 'over sharing' that caused this as frankly not many people would think it normal to decide on the spur of the moment to do a degree just because someone else is. It's 3 years, expensive and ends up in a very specific job...

I haven't yet been accepted but have the required points and, thanks to the fact I shared it on FB, a couple of people who used to work in the field have given me contacts to have informal chats and on-site experience. That was the reason I asked on there in the first place.

Perhaps I should message her back as you suggest Tracy as I don't want to be rude but at the same time I don't want her to think I am up for a Uni Buddy idea. I am indeed a mature student, as she would be, and it is unlikely either of us will get funding.

OP posts:

loveareadingthanks · 05/01/2015 08:55

I'd reply with something along the lines of

'I'm sue we'll bump into each other if we do end up on the same course, should you decide that this is what is best for you. However, in my experience so far, there's no point fixing up study buddies at this stage as so many things change once you actually start and I want to go in with an open mind. It can be a daunting thought to start studying again at our age, but it's a mistake to cling too much to existing relationships, we need to branch out and make the most of all opportunities. Hope it all goes well for you, X'

FunkyBoldRibena · 05/01/2015 08:59

I'd probably reply - ignore me, I was tipsy/being melodramatic.

And then remove her from your feeds and defriend in a week or two.

You don't need to be friends on facebook with anyone that doesn't float your boat, or people that you wouldn't want to spend time with.

poocatcherchampion · 05/01/2015 09:00

I'd just say - oh yes it does look interesting doesn't it.etc.. Maybe see you there!

CarpetDiem · 05/01/2015 09:07

Hmm, sounds great. Can I be your uni buddy too? Can you tell me where you have your hair done cause I want mine like yours? She sounds a bit too 'Single White Female' to get on the wrong side of. Politely say yeah sure & then come off Facebook.

Neverknowingly · 05/01/2015 09:12

I would just politely detach and be non-committal with a response along the lines of "what a coincidence. I had no idea you were interested in this". However weird it is, you do not have "dibs" on this course and given that you do seem to have quite a few FB friends from this niche area, is it really so surprising that you may have a common academic interest? OTOH if it is just a passing fad for her, she will probably lose interest.

A uni buddy is just like "baby mates" (vom). Someone doing the same thing as you at the same time. Basically a way of her saying "snap!"

GoodtoBetter · 05/01/2015 09:17

WTF is a uni buddy and what is a baby mate? Does it just mean you are doing the same thing at the same time or is there any point to it, like helping each other study or something? I've obviously been an expat too long....

FunkyBoldRibena · 05/01/2015 09:28

A uni buddy is just like "baby mates"(vom)

Oh please - I am trying to eat breakfast! Baby mates. Yukkaroonie.

Original poster

WTFisaUniBuddy · 05/01/2015 13:37

Ah good - some more replies! I haven't replied to her yet for fear of sounding too keen.

I think I'm going to message her something like "What a coincidence, I had no idea you were interested in this! I am going to be applying through UCAS this year, so maybe see you there."

I'll send that now and see what comes back. I don't want to un-friend her in case she actually turns up now.

OP posts:

ZammoMcGuire · 05/01/2015 14:58

the term uni buddy is a pile of shit
its a person who does your course.. NOt a friend

DrMorbius · 05/01/2015 15:05

My advice for any mature student is "do not" rely on/hook-up with anyone else. I actually refused to do group assignments.

lalalonglegs · 05/01/2015 17:17

She would have to be very, very keen on you to pay the university fees (not to mention undertake all the study for a course she is a bit meh about) just to get close. I wouldn't worry about it - I'm don't think you'll see her there.

DrMorb - can I ask why? Pure curiosity, not studying, not intending to.

daisychain01 · 05/01/2015 17:41

I dreaded doing "projects" and group assignments in courses that meant anything to me (eg Degree, Masters).

I don't mind hard graft and everyone contributing in different ways to get the marks depending on their skills, but I resent passengers who CBA to do anything apart from moan or go for coffee breaks but somehow managed to coast along, and benefit from everyone else's ideas and commitment.

I think nowadays there are ways of controlling 'social loafing' on courses, so that this doesn't happen quite so much, as it's very unfair.

A poor project submission will negative impact the overall mark for a module, and ultimately the entire course (eg the difference between getting a 2.1 or a 2.2)

daisychain01 · 05/01/2015 17:48

I'd just reply to your UniBuddy by saying

"I'm keeping my options open as I've decded to check out a couple of alternative courses at different Uni's. Thanks all the same and all the very best."

[Defriend click ]

DrMorbius · 05/01/2015 17:50

lalalonglegs, it's as daisychain articulates above. Some people are lazy, some delusional, some just want a free ride, but they can massively affect your marks. I also did a Degree and Masters, by my Masters I had learned my lesson.

lalalonglegs · 05/01/2015 18:18

Ha ha - I was at university so long ago that it was all exam-based and I don't think it mattered a hoot what anyone else thought or did, it made for slightly more interesting seminars if people had read the texts though

Original poster

WTFisaUniBuddy · 05/01/2015 18:21

Nothing back yet, so hopefully she's bored of the idea already
It was a turn of phrase - as I said I don't trust her but thought it was better to "play nice" for the sake of not appearing rude. As I said she is moving even closer now, so it may be we bump into each other more often. I'd rather not have her against me!

OP posts:

allibaba · 05/01/2015 20:33

WTF at the risk of sounding like a technodinosaur, and closing the door after the horse has long since left, how about not putting all your details on to FB?

If you are still friended with people who may be a little odd, you're kind of inviting the oddness to participate by putting stuff out there. Sorry!

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