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Original poster

Is it normal to have so little to do together?

15 replies

Aubrianna · 03/01/2015 14:38

Dh and I are both in our early 30s we have been together for 15 years we have a largeish family. We get on well, we work together and don't argue beyond an occasional silly tiff which is quickly forgotten.I would say we are generally happy BUT I was just wondering if it is normal at this point to actually not really "do" much together.

At work we just get on with things even though we sit right next to each other, we arrive at different times and leave at different times. At home we do our own thing for example in the evening we tend to watch different things on tv so either in different rooms or I will go and watch something on my laptop upstairs. We go to bed at different times and get up at different times. In bed we have two different duvets because we were getting annoyed at sharing Blush.

The only things we do regularly together are thins with the kids and have sex.

I dont know if I should be worried or not - we have tried to go out and do things together but tbh i think we both just felt a bit forced...

OP posts:
NoArmaniNoPunani · 03/01/2015 14:41

As long as you are both happy then I don't think it's an issue.

TestNamePleaseIgnore · 03/01/2015 14:41

If it works for you. .you have been together 15 years you must be doing something right!

Do you have shared interests?

overmydeadbody · 03/01/2015 14:41

If you are both happy and content with your lives and with sharing each other's company the way you do then I don't think there is anythng wrong with it.

Do you like each other's company? I'm guessing you do if you work together and don't argue much.

Would you miss each other if you were gone? If one of you goes away does the other person miss them?

Original poster
Aubrianna · 03/01/2015 14:46

I cant think of any actual shared interests tbh other than practical things like work and kids!

I suppose what worries me is that we had our first child when we were 20 and so I worry that when they are all grown up we will not have anything to do together at all!

I miss him if he goes away I dont know about the other way I would assume he misses me a little bit but he has never said.

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 03/01/2015 14:48

I think, if you're raising it as a question, then it probably isn't working as well as you'd like. It's good to have independent interests but it's probably not good to live entirely separate lives. Children are a great point of connection but they grow up, make their own lives and then what have you got to talk about? There's a balance to be struck so maybe now is a good time to think of something you can do together, reconnect and enjoy.

paddy29 · 03/01/2015 14:51

To me it sounds like a perfectly healthy relationship. Me and my wife are similar though we do watch TV together.

Tobyjugg · 03/01/2015 17:21

Are you both happy at the moment is the question? If so, the it's all OK. Let tomorrow (i.e. when the kids grow up) worry about itself. TBH I think what you're describing is 99% of marriages.

Tobyjugg · 03/01/2015 17:21

*then it's all OK

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 03/01/2015 17:24

Whilst the dds were younger, dp and I didn't do much together, apart from watch the occasional film or go for the occasional meal, on the rare occasions we had a babysitter.

Now that the girls are older, we mostly eat out together, or go to the cinema or theatre. We still rarely do much together at home, apart from the v occasional DVD. He likes watching television and I don't, so usually in the evenings he's watching TV and I'm either reading or on the laptop.

So long as you're both content enough, it really doesn't matter.

ZingTheGreat · 03/01/2015 17:42

I agree with Cogito

if you have no shared hobbies, now is the time to try some new things out together! a dancing class or just cooking one meal together each week.
have a chat, see if you can find a few things you are both interested in. you sound a good match, so I'm sure you'll find something - perhaps something unusual, not quite "your type of thing"?

BackforGood · 03/01/2015 17:59

Agree with most. If it works for you both, then its fine. There is no 'formula' to what is right in a marriage.
There are a lot of people that wojld struggle to work with their dh all day.....

museumum · 03/01/2015 18:04

Do either of you already have a hobby or interest? What are you going to do (both together and apart) when the children leave home?
I think you need to do something together....

crje · 03/01/2015 19:50

We are similar,when we go out alone we talk about what we will do once the kids are reared.
Him - visit battlefields
Me- wait for him on the nearest beach

We don't stress about it , no point trying to be something you're not.

loveareadingthanks · 05/01/2015 08:59

I like my own space and time to have my own interests. So does DP. But your life sounds rather more like housemates than partners and I'd be feeling a bit uneasy about it as well. Don't you enjoy anything together?

We got in a bit of a rut too, so we got ourselves a couple of really good board games at Christmas, and are going to do that once a week or so in the evenings after dinner, instead of slobbing out/watching TV, reading, going on line.

warysara · 05/01/2015 09:32

You need to find something that you both can do together. There isn't really a hurry and it can be a slow thing to discover, but when your children get older and go off to University then the lack of anything shared may become a problem.

So a great idea to find something now ...

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