Please help me to sort my thoughts, my brain has shut down.
I announce last Sunday that I thought it best my husband and I split and to my surprise it came as a shock to him even though we both admit we have been living like house mates for years and amongst other things he said to me a while back if it wasn't for the children he would have left already.
We've been married nearly 10 years, he's my friend and a great dad, but we have lost each other relationship wise, he has a bad temper (not violent though) and I'm sure I don't love him anymore - I certainly don't respect him after a lot of the things he's said. I look back at ruined holidays, birthdays, day trips and can't actually remember when we last both felt really happy together.
Anyway I hated seeing what I was doing to him (his first reaction was anger - if we split I will hate you and never want to see you again, but then he was so upset and said he could change and to give him another chance), I'm terrified of coping on my own, I don't want to upset my children's (age 3 and 6) lives, it would be so much easier to stay as we are, so yesterday after so much upset and sleepless nights I found myself saying - "maybe we could try again".
All that's happened so far is we are in separate bedrooms to give each other space.
How do I decide what to do, although life isn't totally happy for me relationship wise, it's not at all unbearable, he doesn't deny me anything materialistic... we have a nice home... friends... our boys are happy and don't go without.
Am I living in a Disney dream world? Should I snap out of it and count myself lucky? Am I being selfish?
Please don't judge me, I am lost and alone and could really do with some advice.