Still in shock - Friends DH made pass at my DH!!

[chasingtail]

So spent NYE with a very dear friend of mine and her family (as we do most years). We don't live near each other anymore and subsequently only get together a few times annually.
Friend confided in me that her DH had been suffering with severe depression over last few months and has been on ADs for about 6 weeks.
Anyway obv copious amounts of alcohol last night were consumed last night. Friend and I turned in about 1am leaving totally plastered DH's putting the world to rights.

This morning I got up quietly to not disturb DH only for him to sit bolt upright and declare that we needed to leave ASAP. Apparently after us girls had gone to bed friends DH disclosed how bad he'd been feeling and how he felt he could only really talk to my DH. He then started coming onto my DH in a really aggressive manner, making it quite clear what he wanted to do with him!!!! My DH sobered up PDQ but stayed and tried to talk things through as friends DH was hysterically crying and ranting. Think my DH was worried what he would do if he left him.
When I saw my friend this morning she was pretty upset as realised that something had happened but obviously she has no clue exactly what that was.
We left pretty pronto this morning without seeing her DH but telling her if she needed to talk more we would be there.
Me and especially DH are now in a state of shock and clearly have the dilema on where we go with this. I have experience with mental illness so am pragmatic enough to consider that this outburst may have been the culmination of booze and AD's but it has really distubed my DH who doesn't know what to think. I am also so worried for my friend and our friendship. Should I tell her the extent of what happened or hope that her DH will tell her?

Just can't beleive what has happened and am so cross wit friends DH yet worried for him.

Any advice would be so gratefully received as I desperately don't want to lose my friend.

Isetsan, didn't know he was on ADs until yesterday evening by which time he'd already had a skinfull and in any case not sure it was my place to confront him on the risks?? Am sure he has been told/knows the potential fallout.

I will ring my friend tomorrow

I would ring her tonight. Now.

winkywinkola

I would ring her tonight. Now.

Rather than have her left 'clueless' and without information (that has been passed to the OP today).
What if he is drinking again today?

Ultimately, the responsibility for the mixing of alcohol and AD's was his but the general acceptance of all of you, that his drinking was acceptable by continuing to participate when you did know, is curious.

In this situation, honesty is the best policy, especially as there was agression involved. If mixing alcohol and AD's affects him to this degree then she she needs to know.

Isetan, I am staggered by this also.
Cannot stress how serious this could be.

I think you need to let her know exactly what happened. If it is down to ADs and drink mix then she needs to be aware and stop him drinking. He may also be unaware how badly he acted last night.

Gosh, ADs and Alcohol is such a dangerous mix, I would be very worried about him tbh.

Isetan, how was OP supposed to stop a grown man drinking in his own home?

I don't think OP and her DH should have left without a heart to heart with both of them TBH, but that opportunity has passed now. OP's initial reaction has been that the man has done something terrible (understandably) but it is entirely possible that this is all the effects of the drink and drugs. OP, you need to contact your friend, find out how she is and I'm sure once the drugs are properly sorted, this can be put behind you all.

Let go (for a sceond) of your anger at what has happend and think about what could happen. This man has a wife and child and there appears to be a potential safety issue with regards to his aggresive behaviour. Given the general minimising of his recklessness in mixing alcohol and AD's, this could be a disaster waiting to happen.

OP you haven't said exactly what this man did yet and I think that it does have a direct bearing on what action you take next.

If the man was physically agressive, bordering on sexual assault then that is very serious and you must deal with it immediately. Imagine if it happens again with someone more vulnerable.

If it were a misunderstanding or just a moment of flirting then it's a different kettle of fish.

I have been on AD's for 20 years and drink occasionally, I have also on some occasions got hammered but I have never had any psychotic episodes!

Storytown, I never suggested the OP was responsible for stopping him but her H staying up to drink more, was hardly responsible. The AD's on their own may not be the problem but mixing them with alcohol definateky is, so I'm not sure what you mean by the 'sorting' of his medication.

This is serious and has the potencial to become even more serious, just be honest with her OP.

If people haven't taken ADa they might not realise they don't mix well with alcohol. I certainly didn't. If this was a woman he had been so aggressive with we wouldn't be victim blaming.

Very difficult position to be in op but I agree with above. Ads and alcohol mix probably made him more aggressive and again I would be concerned for your friend. Have you heard from her yet

As far as I am aware drinking and being on SSRI antidepressants is not as dangerous as drinking on many other classes of meds - eg barbiturates, benzodiazepines, tricyclics. The most common reaction is becoming very sleepy. Also, alcohol is a depressant in and of itself so not a good idea in depressed patients.

I'm not for one moment saying the mixing of alcohol and anti-ds was not an issue here. But plenty of people who are stabilised on anti-ds enjoy a beverage or three.

My post was mostly in response to Isetan's BTW. The issue here is just as likely to be with the bloke's underlying depression and family history of bipolar is very significant.

I think the main issue here is, if he continues to drink, your friend and her DDs may be in danger.

I think it would be best to get in touch tonight.

balders74 the rule is not to mix alcohol and AD's because generally its not a good idea and specifically, their is no way of knowing how each individual will react. This man's medication has barely kicked in, why undermine their efficacy by mixing it with a depressant.

Your experiences so far are hardly conclusive and certainly not ones that can be extrapolated to include people you don't know.

Isetan, are you a medical professional.

I'm not but for what it's worth I would say that the thing that needs to be ruled out as a matter of urgency is a dx of bipolar in this man. That could just as well explain his particular reaction toADs, especiakly if the GP has just whacked him on SSRIs. These are often not suitable in people who may have bipolar.

I really appreciate that you're worried about your friend's DH, but how is your DH? Can imagine he'd be very, very shocked, especially of friend's DH was aggressive. Sounds like he is going to need a bit of support/tlc

Hmm, just a little rude Isetan. I was merely stating my experience with alcohol & AD's.

God, what a situation. Mixing ADs and alcohol can certainly have an effect, I did it in the past and was definitely more manic/ challenging to be around than when drinking on its own!

Ohfour, am keeping close eye on my DH. He has been really quiet today interspersed by shaking his head in disbelief. He also keeps checking with me that I understand he didn't do anything to encourage what happened. Lots of reassurance needed at the moment

Chasingtail your poor DH no one deserves to feel like that. Just make sure he knows you believe him.

Op I was told that my ex had made a pass at one of my friends sons (he was 25) whilst off his face

Now I know my ex is bi, I would still have liked to have known at the time. I couldn't understand why my friends were being weird with me

So, you might find she knows that he's bi, but wouldn't be expecting him to make passes at her friends