insincerity

[DeckSwabber]

I know I'm being an arse.

I've had a shitty year. Some members of my family have been truly horrible to me, transforming what would have been an unavoidably shitty year (family illness, difficult decisions) anyway into a double shit year served with crap crackers and squirts of squit.

So now the happy new texts come in. I know I should send a cheery, insincere text back, but I bloody well don't want to. I feel it turns me into a hypocrite. I don't want to send a horrible text back so I'm doing nothing but I still feel crap.

Don't reply. Take pleasure in deleting them.

Ignore them. Quite right. Fuckers. Unless you want them in your life and is a bridge building thing? If not they can bog off.

Ignore. Delete. About as sincere and thoughtful as generic Christmas cards.

Bridges need to be built. I would happily wave 'bye bye' if that was an option but it isn't.

Trouble is that I can't build bridges on my own, and believe me I have tried. As soon as there is an opportunity to make progress these people have fucked it up again. They have also moaned/lied to relatives so I've been basically cut off by everyone. Its been awful, awful, awful.

I don't feel that the HNY messages are sent as as olive branch. An acknowledgement of what has passed, or a commitment to get things on track again would feel sincere.

I have to reply, don't I?

Can you put something like 'Let's make 2015 a good year and a new start'? Something vomit-worthy but pointed like that?

Bridges don't have to be built and you don't have to reply. What you need to do, is work out where your boundaries are, what sanctions you are prepared to impose to defend them and the all important follow through.

The peace comes with your acceptance of who they are and not what you hope them to be.

Isetan I know who they are. I can't change them and I don't hanker for what 'might have been'.

But we have joint responsibilities, so I can't cut contact altogether. I would prefer to limit communication to what is needed with regard to this, but even the simplest conversation is seemingly impossible. Straightforward questions or requests go unanswered or challenged. My integrity is questioned. I do most of the work relating to our relative, but am constantly undermined.

I think LineRunner has the answer. Off to fetch a bucket.

Finally responded to a few of these toxic people. It was a bit of a struggle but I think I'm ok with what I've said.

Nothing inflammatory (I think). But who knows?

Good luck! Folk are weird.