Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

Original poster

really nervous about first time sex with new person

17 replies

SurlyCue · 31/12/2014 19:06

long time regular posting.

so a new relationship is on the horizon and I'm very nervous about sex. I have been single for almost 5 years. I have only had a couple of drunken one night stands in that time. the last one almost 2 years ago. before that the only long term relationship I had was with EXp and we were together since we were teenagers, each other's first sexual partners so nothing to compare to and we weren't very adventurous at all. I have no idea if I am any good at sex. I've also never had an orgasm which adds a whole other level of pressure to the situation as I expect a partner would expect that to happen. I'm very excited about this new relationship but really starting to talk myself out of it because of what feels like a lack of experience sex wise.

don't even know what I'm asking. reassurance?

OP posts:

GingerbreadPudding · 31/12/2014 19:46

Not having had sex in ages isn't a problem at all. Even if you'd had loads of sex last week, sex with a new person (for him as well) is always a bit odd. You've got two approaches really; just get drunkish and do it, get it out of the way or spin it out and wait until you're both bursting to do it. I go for option one generally.

The second, much more pressing issue, is your lack of orgasm. That doesn't matter for sex with a bloke as that's not completely usual anyway. But for gods sake woman get yourself a vibrator and a night in!

Egghead68 · 31/12/2014 20:03

You can always tell him/her that you are nervous. I am sure they will try to help you relax!

Stiff drink. What's the worst that can happen?

Original poster

SurlyCue · 31/12/2014 20:11

gingerbread I actually ordered a vibrator from ann summers just last night

I think I will definitely have a drink to relax myself. worst that can happen is that I am so crap at sex I never hear from him again except that I will have to see him on a daily basis regardless of what happens in bed! eek

OP posts:

Deserttrek · 31/12/2014 20:16

Practice..........

Ikeameatballs · 31/12/2014 20:21

I really can't imagine that you aren't good at sex.

I've not had many sexual partners but I think that a combination of enthusiasm and listening to what the other person wants whilst knowing your own boundaries is important. Don't put yourself under pressure.

ScrambledEggAndToast · 31/12/2014 20:21

How come you have to see him everyday OP? Do you work together? If you have to see each other regularly then I would recommend waiting until you are absolutely sure that things are likely to go somewhere. Don't be shy about saying you haven't had sex in a while, it's always a little bit awkward but I'm sure you'll have fun.

Vivacia · 31/12/2014 20:26

I would deal with this by not jumping straight to full on sex.

Original poster

SurlyCue · 31/12/2014 20:31

not work but something like that. don't want to out myself by saying what the connection is. we've talked and are both sure we are interested in a relationship and about how bad it will be being around each other if it doesn't last. we have been taking it slow but it's at the point now where, the sexual tension is frustrating. I think I will tell him I'm out of practice and nervous. would that invoke pity/sympathy? I don't want that.

OP posts:

Viviennemary · 31/12/2014 20:32

I totally agree with Vivacia. No point in treating it as tonights the night and what's my performance going to be like. No. Just take it slowly and let things develop over as long a period as you like..

Original poster

SurlyCue · 31/12/2014 20:37

oh it's not tonight btw. I wont see him again socially for a couple of weeks.

OP posts:

KellyElly · 31/12/2014 20:41

Get a bit pissed then you'll be swinging off the chandeliers Then the awkwardness is over and you can
do it sober in the morning.

SillyBugger · 31/12/2014 20:51

I agree with KellyElly a bit of alcohol for some dutch courage! Not too much though - you don't want to be sick on him or something. You won't be 'no good' at sex, as long as you have a nice time and he has a nice time (which you definitely will if you like each other and there's sexual tension/frustration already), then you're good!!

You can tell him you're nervous and you hope he likes it - I'm sure he'll be reassuring. Probably don't mention the phrase 'out of practice' though - you don't want to get him thinking about your sexual past, he needs to be thinking about your imminent sexual future!

It's very personal but you might want to tell him at some point that you've never had an orgasm (but you'd like one), just to let him know not to expect one straight away but you can maybe work towards that as a couple in the longer term. Don't be tempted to fake one, it's never worth it. He'll be really pleased if your first one is with him I bet! Good luck.

Original poster

SurlyCue · 31/12/2014 21:11

no I definitely don't want to be sick on him! which I think I might be if I was swinging from the chandeliers!

he'll probably be able to tell I'm nervous anyway but good point about not mentioning past sex life. not sure about telling about lack of orgasm. I don't want to put any more pressure on the situation, I wouldn't want him thinking there was pressure on him to help me have one. maybe save that for after the first time? when we're a bit more relaxed with each other.

OP posts:

KellyElly · 31/12/2014 21:47

Don't put pressure on yourself to have an orgasm through sex. Lots of women don't. I'm one of the lucky few that do, but no so much through foreplay. Get yourself a rampant rabbit and experience your first one yourself. Sorry if that's a but much but it is New Years and I've had a bottle of champagne

SillyBugger · 31/12/2014 22:12

maybe save that for after the first time? when we're a bit more relaxed with each other Yep, that's a good plan I think. x

textfan · 19/01/2015 03:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 19/01/2015 09:52

I think the idea of a new partner saying 'it's been a while... be gentle with me...' (or similar) must be up there on a lot of people's wish lists as quite an arousing statement. If you think about it, it's quite complimentary to have someone trust you like that. Dynamite. Live in the moment and you'll be fine.

Flip