NY Resolution to Make Some Friends And Keep Them??!

[MadameLeBean]

Hi everyone I think I've posted about this before in the past but I've got no friends and it really gets me down.

Yes I get on well with people at work but don't have loads in common to the extent that we would hang out outside of work.

The socialising I do is pretty much all as a couple with DP and his friends who are all married and their wives.

DP however has good friends he sees on their own without their wives.

My two best friends both moved away, one to Australia and one to Canada. We email, whatsapp etc but it sucks. The one in Australia fell out with me about 8 months ago over a stupid miscommunication and has replaced me with new shiny Australian bimbo best friend.

I'm almost 30 and all the women I know are either just married and having first or second babies or they are working all hours climbing the corporate ladder so none of them have time to hang out more than once or twice a year. I miss having close female friendships so much.

DP is encouraging me to socialise independently as well but I just can't get the "momentum" with people IYKWIM.

I have a 9 yo who sees her dad regularly & I have a job with okay hours now and have a decent amount of spare time but don't know where to start. Doesn't help I live in London where everyone is spread out so far away they might as well be in a totally different city. Plus people cancel plans all the time and it sucks.

Is this normal? How do you maintain close female friendships around this age? How do you make new ones if you've lost yours? It's so hard! Feel like people have established their close friendships years ago and can't be arsed or don't need more? I don't just want friendly acquaintances. WWYD?

I tried one of those meetup groups btw and it was awful

I am exactly the same. Being from another country doesn't help as my school and uni friends are spread far and wide. I had one friends via the school run but that ended when the kids went to secondary. Now I can confidently say that I have no friends. But I can also say that I am not good at maintaining or improving friendships. It takes real effort and I don't always have the time or inclination.
I also tried meet up and it wad Ok but based during the evening and hard for me to attend.
Obviously the only way to meet people is to get out there and do it. No short cuts.
I am happy to be an online buddy:)

Well, a quiet new year here - DH is full of cold,we had nowhere to go, so went to bed early. All of the neighbors were out too. But I was warm and cosy and with my man, which is more than lots of folk have. Happy New Year to you all xxxx

Happy New Year to you all.

Whatdoesittake yes I find it a lot easier to be lazy but then find that I miss having someone even just to chat to! Apart from DP and my mum

I am going to make more of an effort with a couple of friendly acquaintances that live locally as I often CBA to go "out out"once I'm home or at the weekend (I mean going into central London) and my after work socialising is somewhat limited by needing to either pick up DD (or if DP is on the pick up duty - we split it 50/50 - then I'll take the opportunity to work a bit later or I'll have a work event / late conference call scheduled).

So my ideal social life would be something like - dinner & drinks after work once a month or so, a weekend cycling/running buddy, & someone to chat shit with at my house / theirs or in local pub / restaurant at the weekend (not every weekend though, think once a month would be plenty!).

Action plan:

I'm going to ask local friend if she wants to run with me on Tuesday nights which is my jogging night.

I'm going to look into a women's road cycling club for weekends. Need to negotiate with DP as I already "get" Sunday mornings for yoga and he normally gets sat mornings for bike ride (but he has been lazy the last few months!!)

I'm going to ask work friend (well the girl I get on best with) if she wants to go for dinner after work occasionally, or do a Friday lunch

I'm going to ask the two mums I like from dd school if they want to come over for coffee more often at weekends (we have a good laugh)

What would your ideal social life be like and what's your plan ??

I'll be too bloody old for Ladies Circle in 2 months time!

Time to get some comfy slippers and a hairnet then...

Have started a thread called Reconnecting 2015 in Relationships. If you have any better name suggestions please shout.
I hope it reaches the parts other threads can't reach, kind of thing.

I need to make some new buddies too. I only have two really and one is really busy with her new baby (lives locally) and one lives about 1.5 hours away so it's mostly phone calls and the odd visit Need some more local mates.

Thanks Rioux I know cycling is not quick alas I used to cycle to work but new job not really compatible with regular cycle commuting so want to try and fit in a weekend ride as my nice bike is just sitting in the kitchen !

I'm hoping to go away on yoga retreat with the yoga studio I currently practise at so hopefully will get to know some of the yoga people more, we don't really chat there I guess it's kind of a solitary thing, but if I made some friends on the retreat might be nice

Hey, I know where you are coming from OP. i am in SE london too so feel free to pm me if fancy coffee (wine)

I'm another SE Londoner whose NY resolution is to get out more and make friends.
Would be up for coffee sometime if anyone fancies it.....

I am in SW (typo) ...

Am sure we could find an in-between spot if you fancy it OP

Sounds good Mala! Pm me

hello mlb

I have done volunteering, joined some short and long term courses

You never know who you are going to meet, keep an open mind

You could start your own knit and natter group or come dine with me group if you like cooking or sport or guerrilla gardening or yarn bombing

or get a part time job in a club or pub

You could start avon or another type of selling

Good luck

I've found it easier to join things with a view to expanding social life or trying new things, rather than seeking friends. I joined a choir, volunteered with a local charity, learned to dance (ceroc and salsa) and joined a sports club.

The friendships don't happen overnight - you have to just keep turning up - and sometimes stop attending if there's no enjoyment for you. But one thing leads to another once you get to the satge of having friendly chats with people and I now get involved in all sorts of things. I was surprised to find that nearly everyone goes to these things alone, rather than with a partner or friend.

I've managed to cement some really good friendships recently and I don't know if it will help but it was from
Knitting, starting my own knitting group, I messaged every local person on Ravelry with my groups details and people showed up! My knit mates are now some of my closest friends and allies and as we are all different ages from early 20's to late 50's we all overlap on at least one non craft interest or life stage.

School gates. I have always loathed and detested the school gates and found it hard to find anyone to be friends with or have seen people I like the look of but not approached them. This time with my youngest starting school I made myself plaster on a smile and while crapping myself with fear I chatted to the Mums and I've already made one very, very good friend and a few others who I hope will grow from school gate friends to 'real' friends with time. I volunteer in DD2's class so I know all the kids which makes it easier to chat to the Mums as I can tell them things the kids have said or done at school.
I also joined the dreaded PTA and have really enjoyed it. I was honest about the limitations of what i can do and have been really pleased that they have found stuff for me to do that doesn't involve going out in the evening (shift working Dh) I'm now friends with some mums with kids further up the school and lots of staff.

Church, I made it a new school years resolution to go to church as a priority every Sunday and not as a casual 'if we get up in time' thing. That meant I spent time away from school with other school parents and in the spirit of my new found bravery I went to a new parishioners drinks meeting and joined the church women's group who meet in the pub once a month. Early days, but again there are people there who I hope will become close friends over time.

For me it really has been about facing the fear and doing it anyway and because I have Aspergers, I do talk to myself in my head saying "smile, ask them a question, don't talk over them" whereas before I was myself and myself isn't all that likeable!!