Ugh. Please help me navigate no contact with a shit ex who won't go away

[SandyVagina]

I split up with my boyfriend three weeks ago after a third display of possessive and controlling behaviour. I'm in my early forties and have no desire to continue in a relationship where I am expected to never go out with girlfriends (or suffer the consequences) or have any males in my life other than my DCs.

There were other issues, he was older than me (15 years older) and had some (read lots) of sexual issues resulting in us never having penetrative sex in our entire relationship, had health problems he refused to address (I'm not quite ready to be a full time nurse) and some shady financial dealings which resulted in me fucking myself over a few times. I budget quite rigidly and any changes to that can result in disaster. He was aware of this.

Everything came to a pus filled head at the beginning of December and I broke it off with him. We had been together for 18 months and were planning on moving in together in the new year when I came to my senses. Anyway, I met him for a drink and finished with him face to face. I told him my reasons, he argued quite a lot but I remained strong. As we left he tried to put his arm around me and said "come along, sandy, you're over-reacting". I wasn't and even if I were I expect that I can finish a relationship if I so choose. I gave my reasons and they were valid.

He then embarked on a mission. He sent me well over two hundred texts, sent facebook messages to my best friend (who thought I must have died given the panicked tone) who then contacted him only to have been called and texted daily by him. He put up FB statuses bewailing his confusion which were then commented upon by his many friends at which point I deleted and blocked him and anyone tangentially related to him. We have mutual friends and family who then read his shit and contacted me asking what was going on. I do not live my life this way. I am a private person who uses FB as a fun place where I burble rubbish. I would never smear my personal shit over social media.

I sent him one final text telling him that it was over, I have given him my reasons, I don't have to explain myself further and that I won't be responding to any further texts, answering calls or listening to voicemails (I'd had lots of both)

I blocked him on my phone. He then got his son to call me at 2am on Christmas Day. This really threw me TBH. I couldn't sleep after the call (I know he was with my ex and he kept asking why I finished it and it must be more than what I said were my reasons - he wants to believe that I've been cheating on him rather than face the truth that I told him I wouldn't tolerate his behaviour and when he did it again I stood by it) and have been hiding in my house ever since.

I blocked his sons number but I jump at every text and every call. I don't know who he will coerce into calling me next!

He emailed me tonight. Can I block his email on my iPhone/iPad does anyone know?

I've been advised to contact the police but this feels extreme to me. I've also been advised to send one final message telling him that I will contact the police if he carries on but I don't want any contact. He makes my skin crawl.

His behaviour has convinced me of how right I was to finish this but I'm struggling. Not because I want to get back with him but I'm just feeling assaulted by all this. God knows what's next, his email was weird and didn't make a lot of sense.

I don't know why I'm posting really.

Fucking hell Celestria. you poor thing.

I've got some serious problems coping with suicide following the terrible shock of my father hanging himself in our family home. I honestly think that if he threatens or alludes or even goes through with an attempt then my heart will only harden further TBH. Me, my mum, my kids and all of my extended family have been victims (and I mean that seriously) of my fathers suicide (obviously he was the ultimate victim but his illness took a dreadful and unimaginable toll upon us all). That is one game I will not play.

Have you a thread on here? I would like to offer any support I can.

I'm feeling rather sanguine this evening. I won't be calling 101 until tomorrow, and then only to get some advice. See whether I need to text/email/call (God I hope not) one last time to make myself clear although my final text before blocking him was clear enough AFAIC.

Has he no shame? I would be embarrassed to be acting this way. I keep trying to fit his behaviour into my own understanding but that's ultimately pointless.

*i WILL BE CALLING 101!

Sadly I have experience of it too. My brother and my best friend. But with my brother I always felt I wasn't there when he needed me. My dp taking the overdose and the fact he could have died really distressed me.

I do have a thread but I've had many over the 18 months and I don't think folk can be bothered saying the same stuff, don't blame them! I am determined this time though.

Definitely 101. Any threats of any kind, 101. My dp said he had taken something but I thought he was just trying to get me round. Guilt that I didn't do anything made me take him back. In hindsight I should have called 101 regardless of what I thought.

He won't have any shame. In his head, he is a terrible victim and the more he makes contact and you ignore him, the more sympathy (attention) he can elicit from his friends etc.

Sandy

First congratulations on getting out of this abusive relationship
& Happy 2015 to you, fresh start & all that.

When you speak to 101 ask them to give him "words of advice" about staying away from you, it's termed used officially for
"here sunshine a word in your shell-like, here's what will happen if you don't get a grip"

His name will be on file, no further action will be taken (if I have got this right from a close friends experience) unless or until he contacts you nothing more. Then a harassment order can be obtained with the evidence. Hopefully won't be needed!

Re the phone, get a cheap handset or use an old one, get a new SIM card & put the old one in the cheapo & the new one in your current phone. Only give the new number out to trusted friends & just let the calls & texts go unanswered but collected if you need them for more evidence. Also change your email, most providers allow you more than one email so his crap will just it there until you feel strong enough to read them....and laugh

Good luck, you have been strong in standing up to him, don't let him get into your head space he's not worth it.

Even if a man like this does take an 'overdose', he won't be obliging enough to actually die and get out of your hair. It's usually something like three aspirins and a half of shancy that the wankers take before sending waily texts or FB statuses.
I'd advise sending the 'You are dumped, leave me alone or I'll have you arrested' message via email as it is the most 'remote' way of communicating and also you will have a record of sending it.
Good luck.