Can dv ever be just a one off?

[Miserablenamechanger]

If one partner shoves another? That person is devastated, remorseful, acknowledges that it was abusive and wrong, hates themselves for doing it, and the behaviour is totally out of character and they swear it will never happen again.

Is this possible? Can the relationship be worked on? There are ups and downs. This is the second worst down.

I agree that abuse would be a pattern of behaviour : controlling, bullying, belittling etc. Then a shove is not a 'one off' as the implied threat would be that it could happen again. Even if it didn't happen again, the person shoved would change their behaviour to ensure it didn't.
It does sound if you are both in a difficult place at the moment and may need outside help to get you back where you would like to be.

I agree with trackrbird, it certainly struck me as an unpleasant exchange and cruel to treat a partner as you've described.

If you both want to move beyond this then you need to communicate. There appears to be fault on both sides but only you know if you can resolve this.

Someone said to me once that everyone deserves a second chance. I gave that someone a third and fourth chance - there was no way he was getting a fifth chance.

I wish you all the very best and hope you work things out.

I think what you have to consider at the moment is this: ths implant that effects mood and has had devastating effect upon your mental welbeing is at the moment exercising the same pernicious effect now, as it was at the time of the event. It effected your ability to think rationally then and it is still there, effecting you in much the same way now.

You really need to have that thing taken out ASAP and then see how you feel. It will probably take a couple of weeks before you even start to feel like your old self. Be kind to yourself, your husband forgives you and wants to be with you because he loves you.

Op I would like to say to you that the loss of a child is very much all wrapped up in this. Please don't beat yourself up over this one action, yes it was wrong but if everyone LTB after one action with out other history then there would be hardly anyone married.

You have recognised your action was wrong, that shows remorse true abusers show no real remorse lovely.

Please be gentle with yourselves, accept your both in a bad place right now, and I would say that both of you need individual counselling, one moving forward is not fair on the other and can cause problems.

I do very much speak from experience and have also lost a child, the impact of this one loss, resonates through your whole life and can colour judgements and choices.

Implanon implant made me cry all day everyday. Start there.

It is usrful to view abuse as a sustained pattern on behaviour designed to control and intimidate, and a one off is possible.

I believe u can move on if u want to.

On = of

Thank you all.
I feel marginally lighter. Am talking to DH and he assures me he knows it wasn't me. I just need to persuade myself of the same.

Person A had been very nasty, woke Person B up by shouting at them. Person B was crying and explaining the upset, Person A turned away and laughed.

Person A sounds abusive: was nasty. Furthered nastiness by waking up a sleeping partner. Woke partner up by shouting. Laughed at partner's upset. All of those things are cruel, and in sequence like this, match the behavior of an abuser.

oh op i feel for you. i had really bad pnd and did and said some terrible things to dp.

please get some counselling/medication. you have been through so much.

.In DH defense, he has social anxiety and was lying ill and unwashed on the sofa when my parents unexpectedly turned up. He ran upstairs where I was napping (3 month old had been in a and e 2 nights before) and shouted at me to get up and let them in. But then he carried on shouting asking why I didn't give him notice, but I didn't know they were coming.

It was very upsetting for me to think he thought this of me, cos I would never put him in that position. Hence the argument which followed. Extra tense cos parents were downstairs. His behaviour was bad but so was mine. Neither justifiable.

I'm appalled if the implant has caused me to feel this way, as the nurse assured me that this was one of the better ones for hormonal side effects. The Internet says otherwise. However (tmi sorry) I've also been bleeding the last 4 days so maybe my hormones are heightened temporarily? Will see what gp says. I haven't self harmed since I was at uni, so this is very, very scary for me.

oh goodness. I went on the contraceptive pill and it made me feel murderous. thankfully a medical friend told me to stop before it all got out of hand.

sound like there are issues in the marriage that need sorting and help.

the reaction after the abuse is interesting... depends on circumstances.. people do desperate things... I think it was wrong to push someone. there is no excuse for violence. however, whether you can move past it is a different matter. especially in the circumstamces presented.

sounds like you were both in panic mode. you need to get something in place to prevent it happening again.