...I'm feeling confused about my marriage and would like to privately work through how I feel rather than jump straight to counselling (or even admit there is a problem out loud tbh).
No infidelity or abuse involved, just hoping to understand why I feel so intensely irritated with DH all the time, and why it's so much better when he's away. I think I've become hugely defensive, overreacting to anything he does, and at the same time I can't bear the dynamic he has with the DCs - mostly shouting, empty threats, and complaining loudly about them in their earshot. He seems particularly hard on DD who is only 8, and expressed pride that she has already learned to answer him back (which horrifies me, I don't remember arguing with my Dad at all). I raise my voice with the DCs too, but have made the effort, when communication seemed to be becoming harder, to read up on different approaches which has helped a lot (the 'How to talk so kids will listen...' book). He has the 'quick guide' pages of this which I photocopied and gave to him, but hasn't read them, and it was a couple of years ago now. I think about splitting up frequently, but in reality that's an enormous step, and I don't trust myself - I could be perimenopausal, or just be a little depressed, or weirdly maybe this has something to do with wanting more attention for myself rather than being the arranger/cleaner/cook/wohm. Basically, I need a guide to help me get my head straight so I can see what I'm projecting onto the situation and what is real.
Sorry for the long post - but if you've tried a book and it has helped you, I'd be glad to hear of it thanks.