Ex is a fucker.

[woowoo22]

Ex H has been gone about 6 weeks. He was EA and I'd had enough, couldn't take it any more. Life is so much more relaxed etc now, BUT tonight DS (21 months) asked for Daddy, as he does most days.

Ex H has been in touch with me twice since he left and refuses to speak to DS as it is too painful for him/DS (personally am at this reasoning and think he knows how guilty I feel about ending things, knowing H would fuck off).

Tonight DS burst into tears when I said "Daddys away" and tried to distract as normal. Big proper hulking tears. He didn't nap today and has just gone to bed 5 mins ago before 5pm.

Please tell me this is more to do with tiredness than any big realisation he's not seen his Dad in ages?

Fucks me off that he won't phone/Skype/Facetime but I cannot make him.

Fuck!!!! Argh. Was doing so well.

Feel much better now!

I think,

Oops. Cannot work the app!

Have some in the fridge

MN is so good at times like this. I feel like I am always the one listening to my friends, never the one being listened to? Apart from 2 close friends but I don't want to bother them all the time.

So many people have said we had no idea/why didn't you tell us what was happening (when he was being a prick, which was pretty much constantly this year) - just felt like saying well you never really seemed interested!

I'm sorry you are going through this :( I know you were the one to end it, but he was the one who acted badly and brought it on.

It must be very, very, hard for DS when you ex was a SAHD, poor little mite.

You need to be honest with him. I know he seems so very small, but they understand so much more than you think at that age. Don't make excuses for ex-twat just say he doesn't live with you anymore and you don't know if he will come to visit or not, but he will never live with you again.

Reassure him that you aren't going anywhere.

It is an advantage that he's small, he really won't remember when ex lived with you.

Just give it time
X

Grandad sounds fine, if he is nice and kind and deflects any talk how you want him to! And supports you. My ex wasn't a hands on df by any means so the dc don't miss him for anything really. In a way it's much easier to manage. They have zero expectations to start with.

Tell the truth in an age appropriate way. I think there are many books that help, but unfortunately the ones I found seem to expect a df who actually wants to see his dc. So you have to be your ds emotional crutch, and of course your own. However, mn is invaluable for this stuff:)

Friends can be very tricky. Just keep going, make plans, include grandad a bit, make sure you have a life somehow too, even if its only an evening dance class once a month. Maybe grandad can babysit?

Build a life for the two of you, though, not relying on anyone or checking your ex plans- things to look forward to, teaching your ds to embrace change and to be calm and not take it personally his df has no time for him. Keep his self esteem high. Find out what's happening at school and make plans for fun stuff round what they doing, tesco vouchers and Lego land- hours of fun planning:)