wish i knew why my 4..dc...

[wishiknewwhy]

I have often thought about this, it's not really a massive issue, but well, here goes.

I have four children, 3 dd and 1 ds.
there ages are 52, 48, 46 and 42.

apart from me being their natural mother, that is where the resemblance ends.
not one of them looks like me at all.
not one of them has a similar character to me.
not one of them behaves in any way shape or form as me.
over the years they have all argued with each other, often going nc for months or years.
what did I do wrong?

You didn't do anything wrong. I'm NC with my one brother because he is an asshat of epic proportions. This is all his choosing. My other brother says we should get together but if I arrange something they are busy. So we are on good terms but never see each other. It makes me very sad and really upsets my mom but it's just the people they have become as they've grown. They've met partners who have an influence. Friends who do too. It wasn't parenting that got us here but us changing as we grew.

I'm of the opinion that personality is a pretty fixed thing and that parental influence is not as big as some would like to make out. So if someone starts out argumentstive or awkward, chances are that's the way they'll stay, whatever parenting they get. That said, I'd have thought it was pretty rare for all four siblings to have the same personality. You'd think at least one would be compatible with you.

Context is everything.

Are you my mother?

Seriously, I have 3 siblings, and we all have very different personalities and value systems. I do sometimes wonder what in the world goes through their minds sometimes. I know one has a MH problem, and so I understand that she struggles with things, although sometimes I do get rather baffled by her actions. One is just a snob and very pushy and rude. One is semi-normal. I'd like to think for the most part that I'm fairly normal, but I imagine they all think they are the normal ones.

All four siblings, same parents, same way of life, same rules, same upbringing. But perception, life experiences after leaving home... these things can all change people quite a bit IMO.

I am one of 4DC too and I don't think you are my DM! DSis lives abroad but is close to DB1 while DB2 is in a bubble of his own and doesnt get in touch much. I try hard to see them but I think they find me boring! DB1 and DSis do lots together and I feel sad I am left out. DB2 is lovely and similar to me but his DW is very anxious and private and is scared of us all so they don't often come to family events. I think it is luck if you have sibs you actually like and who like you as friends. Most of us don't...

This is not uncommon. My best mate is one of 3 brothers, none of whom bear the slightest resemblance to each other in colouring, temperament or character.

I think the unusual family is one where siblings DO share these characteristics.

Well, they are obviously late developers OP.
Or you are a trendsetter.....
Or someone who cannot be emulated.
That's more likely.
Don't worry, they will catch up soon.

Oh...by the way....like Alice....do I know you?

Your experience is very similar.