I have just let my best friend down so badly

[mortifiedbymyownbadmanners]

Oh no, My best friend just called. My son and I have just finished our first simple meal in what feels like weeks- just the two of us (again in what feels like weeks).
My friend calls and says "where are you?- you are supposed to be here for dinner".

I remember her calling on boxing day when I had my family here for a very stressful dinner and I had been cooking and sipping all day. I remember arranging to go over for dinner with her. But my memory has is the date of our dinner as the 2nd Jan. She had it as tonight.

She is quietly angry- I am gushingly apologetic. I feel like a shit friend. We are long standing good friends but this is a rotten thing to do. I cannot go to her now as I have had wine with dinner and cannot drive. She has cooked and is going away tomorrow.

Apart from mea culpa in huge volumes is there anything anyone can suggest to make ammends? I have upset her badly.

Food can be saved and reheated - it's not the end of the world because someone forgot something.

Your posts across the site are just weird. Seems like you are trying a bit too hard to be "edgy" or something.

I just have an alternative viewpoint - not everyone on here is a sheep following the herd.

Flowers and dinner on me next time. Without wine. For me anyway.

She will get over it, we have forgiven each other much much worse behaviour- it was the awful realisation that I have let someone down that made me post, not her reaction to it which I understand entirely.

If this is the first time you have ever done this to your best friend, then it should not really be an issue with her. Have you ever done this to her before?

I always message earlier in the day to make sure plans are still on, always! Especially if the other person has dcs as things can get forgotten very easily.
Don't be hard on yourself, op

CaffeLatte - "Your posts across the site are just weird. Seems like you are trying a bit too hard to be "edgy" or something. Grow up."

Wow. Just wow.

Mortified: you're a good and understanding friend.

And, no food will likely be wasted as friend is going away tomorrow.

Other than that - mistake, can happen to anyone, lay off the wine a bit, do something nice for your friend once she gets back. Done.

We have both done similar to each other (we have been friends for over 30 years) and have also both risen to help each other through the worst of life's problems and we love each other and appreciate each other because of our strength and humanity. But we also dont always treat each other the way we would expect of the other because we sometimes over promise or forget our own abilities to be able to step up.

We will get over it. I posted because I was feeling bad and I was just wondering if anyone had any quick fix ideas to make someone feel better (her not me) about being let down that I could implement quickly.

Thanks to everyone who has responded with all the various ways of looking at this. Just to reiterate she is not: rude, nasty, pissy, overly expectant of human friendships; she is: my bessie, lonely, just over a serious illness, steadfast, generous and can also be embarrasing, loud, mad and human. I love her and I want to make things right. that's all.

I agree that she is right to be pissed off after cookin a meal for nothing, she was obviously looking forward to it so is probably disappointed too. And you have agreed that you would feel the same. But as friends you should be able to talk it through and forgive each other for mistakes. :)

I agree that a nice meal and some flowers would be a fab way to make it up to her.

You sound like a good friend and I'm sure you will fix this.

I would be hurt. But I would not be hurt because you forgot. I would be hurting because the fact you forgot would bring to the forefront of my mind that you have a family and a social life (and thus forgot as you have a lot on) whereas I am lonely and single and this was one highlight in my calendar.

So whilst she is cross with you, she is also cross with her circumstance and taking it out on you.

Both valid emotions.

But she will come round, the hurt will subside, she will realise it was an oversight and she will move on.

As for making it up? If it were me, pop round, with a smile and a hug and I would be right as rain. It would not take flowers or any other bigger gesture...

Do you think you have a problem with drinking?

Have you let anyone else down because you've had too much to drink?

OP, you are clearly a raging alcoholic. Your friend is an unpleasant narcissist who is unable to forgive. You deserve each other.

Could I respectfully suggest sending her a card telling her how truly sorry you are and how much you love her? Then rearrange another date and write it down whilst you are still sober.

I'm forever in awe of the mumsnet paragons who've never put a foot wrong, forgotten something after a couple of drinks and can't just accept that humans are imperfect and fallible. Most of us would be a little about a friend forgetting a dinner, it's not a deal breaker, though.

"Let my best friend down so badly" seems a massive over reaction. I'm another one who assumed you'd at least slept with her DH.

ARe you actually saying that you forgot cos you got pissed, and this is the kind of thing you do too often and really what you feel bad about is the drinking, not the forgetting?

Update. I took the friend out for dinner last week. We had a lovely three course supper and wine. She wanted more, I didn't but got persuaded to have another glass by the waitress who then said- if you are having two glasses you might as well have the bottle to which my friend said "oh yes- orange is paying". I startled at that but thought I could have glass and put the lid on and take it away but I wanted to say "i bought you supper and wine and a taxi home, I dont think I should be bullied into another bottle and the "orange is paying" bit went round and round in my head but I said nothing.
The first glass got drank then she poured all of the contents of the rest of the bottle into the glasses- at this point I said "what are you doing?" but it was too late. The rest of the bottle was in the glasses. She drank mine and hers.
She did not offer to pay for the second bottle nor did she leave a tip to the lovely waitress who had been so sweet because a 10% tip had been included.
All the way through dinner she kept rubbing in how upset she had been on the night I stood her up.

To top it all- we went to a friend's near the restaurant and a third bottle of wine appeared from her bag. I am entirely free of guilt for the standing up and I now feel cross with her for taking advantage.

No real reason for updating- its just bugging me so I figured I would get it off my chest here. I am not one for telling people when they have upset me, I can't ever find the words or the right time or place and when I do it always goes wrong so I just grin and bear it.

Well, if she is your best friend, and has been your support through good times and bad, (and you for her), then you have a choice to make don't you?

Either you forget all about it, and stop going over the whole saga again, re you paying for meal and wine etc, or you call her out on her behaviour.

Sometimes friends can be really annoying and unreasonable, but if they are true friends you have to decide to ignore those traits that come to the fore on occasion, and just suck it up and let it go!

Its your decision, do you move past this or not. Xx

Oh my word, your 'friend' is such a drama queen!!

I have friends I have know n for over 30 years, and if I forgot to go to their house for lunch they would just laugh it off!

Your so called friend is either just being a drama queen or malicious.

I would not bother contacting her again, let her make the first move, and if she offers to go out, decline!

A real friend would not need to make a point like that!