I just need to vent. I don't expect anyone to reply as it's the same ding dong. If I write and post it into the www it's a step closer to braving the inevitable. It's hard when deep down you want a relationship to work but know you can't do a good job with crap tools!
Dp and i don't live together. 1and half hr drive away.my dd has school here and he has work which cannot be changed. for a few years this was workable. part of me fears a full-live in relationship as i'm afraid of upsetting dd and me and it going up in smoke. I suppose i'm inside a little cynical. dd father didn't help.
so my dp has had disfunctional relationships. Partly the ow fault and partly his, altough not sure he'd fully see his part in it. slightly woe is me. I blame his mother for this. far too mammied.
dp is ridiculously private. but i accepted this as part of who he is. It has worked for while but increasingly frustrating as it leads to insecurities on my side as to a)what's he up to and b) why is he fearful of introducing me to family. they suspect but not sure. He has told me that he introduced a partner previously and week later she dumped him, he was mocked by friends and this in turn hasn't made him very open since. I accept that and our relationship is for us. why should it matter who thinks what. but it does upset me at times.
I don't usually need emotional support as i am independant and try to just geton with things. but do obviously have down days and dp isn't great at picking up on this. we have talked about it. I on the other hand will notice ifhe needs help and will 100% give it.I have helped him recently alot and altough he offers his actions don't always follow. therefore i don't get hopes up. this i hate and does bother me.
i have a job i need doing in the house that is causing me worry. it would cost me alot to get an expert in. dp could easily with his skills do this. he offered and i was thrilled. however work got in the way and it didn't happen. so now the holidays.he has time off. he promised he'd be over to do it had great plans to make things up to me for all the help i gave by going away for a nite. (note no xmas pressie yet either) but if this job was done i would have accepted it as an xmas pressie. dp went out yesterday to do an outdoor job he didn't expect to do and now is v under the weather. i can hear it in him. However he cannot now come to do the job. he has told me it could be days before he can. unfortunately i can't wait that long and have to get this job done asap. i have put it off reluctantly waiting on him. I'm so dissapointed. not only was i hoping to see him but also that he would be helping me out. He has toldme there is nothing he can do as he is sick. but it has made me realise that even when sick or tired or fed up, i'd always be there for him. i would never let him down. I hear myself being v unreasonable. the man is sick. but i just realised that i can't have expectations as they inevitably fail to materialise 60% of the time. this isn't the first or second time similar has happened. What's the percentage for when to just give up.