Some of you may know my mum especially had an incredibly tough few weeks back over the summer. She was diagnosed (with an initially fairly bleak type of) breast cancer. Two days after this diagnoses DS and I visited and DS pulled a pot of scolding tea down all over himself. He was quite badly burnt and was in hospital for a week bar a night - at one point in High Dependancy with Toxic shock syndrome. Its true he was very unwell for a time.
However DS is now scar free and bearing no ill effects. He is still the same happy confident little boy he has always been. Mum had surgery (mastectomy) and has dealt well with the change in her body image. Her cancer was better than originally hoped and no radio/chemo was required. It took her a long time to get over the impact of the op, was very tired for a long time, however she has recently returned to work and seems to be coping well with it.
However my mum is a funny lady. She will focus in on any part she may have played in a negative situation and plant full blame on herself. I have seen her do this many times over the years, once resulting in what was probably a nervous breakdown when a patient at work suffered nasty ill effects of a proceedure she was involved (not undertaking) in.
Now she is running herself into the ground over the events surrounding DS's burn. The situation exactly as it happened is that mum came home, ds and i went into kitchen to greet her, ds pointed at cat tea cosy, i said yes and looked back at mum (this was first time i had seen her following diagnoses) to see how she looked. In that split second DS pulled on tea cosy = hot tea all over him. I was slow to react - didn't think tea would still be hot. Needless to say it was. Mum grabbed dishcloth and started squeezing cold water over burn. Quick acting basic first aid. I pulled t shirt off him, saw skin badly blisters and ran out of the house with him to a and e.
Mum is now convinced that she caused the infection in his wound (staph aereus) which lead him to develop toxic shock. I refute this because toxic shock was listed as a side effect of the special dressing he had applied on in theatre. Also when he was diagnosed with TSS the main action they took which seemed to 'cure' him was to take him back to theatre and clean out the wound. This had already been done the day after the burn took place. So any infection should have been cleared with the first clean.
Is anyone managing to follow? Sorry. Basically mum says she is not sleeping. When i speak to her she sounds down and brings it up without fail. If DS was still suffering/scarred then perhaps fair enough - but no not all! I have also said to her even if she had caused the infection I know she did it acting in DS's best interests - so I have no issue.
She has talked about going to drs but does not feel counselling will help (she is trained as a counsellor). She did not feel hypnotherapy helped last time and other than a few nice relaxing treatments which aren't going to solve the issue i am all out of ideas. I asked if it feels better to be with DS and she says no because she just feels she let him down . Long shot i know but wondered if any of you world wise mn'ers could give me any advice to stop my lovely mum falling into this pit.