It's over - I'm very sad. Hold my hand please...

[crispycookie]

Don't know if I will be able to type whole sorry tale in one message, no intention to drip feed, just a whole lotta stuff that has not worked in a relationship and I cannot get to work. Such a waste as we could have had such a nice life together. Our DCs get along, they will be gutted to be no longer seeing one another but luckily, they are young and they will forget (hopefully!).

I love him but I don't like his Disney parenting. But I don't say much as his DC is only with us EOW. He says I am a good mum to everyone. But he cannot stop criticising my parenting when it's just us. I am so sick of it. I have begged and pleaded for him not to do that, it makes me feel s**t. But he seems unable/unwilling to stop. I cannot and will not let someone make me feel this way constantly...

I cannot bear his drinking habits. He drank excessively when we met (I didn't realised till he moved in just how excessive). I told him to stop drinking at home or we are over. He stopped the drinking at home but still goes out now and then and get very pissed. The thing I cannot bear is the any opportunity he can get to drink, he will. We took the DCs to Pizza Hut for lunch today and he managed two large glasses of wine in the half hour we were there. FFS, Pizza Hut? And while we have three DCs to look after? Guess who fell asleep on the sofa for two hours while I sort out dinner?

He only has one DC, I have two. He treats my two differently, we have constant fights about this. He cannot see how important it is to be fair to them both, even when one is acting up, he cannot pit one against the other or play favourites.

But he can also be wonderful, he adores me. He's worked so hard at making my house more homely. My older DC adores him. The other one is a mummy's boy . I am just so sick of the battles so I've told him to go. I'm not dating ever again till my DCs are grown. I will miss him so much but I cannot live with this stress the whole situation is creating. I can't even think straight anymore... It's such a waste. When things are great, it's wonderful... And my DCs, they're dad left and now this, I'm feel like such a sh*t mother (though I know I'm not, my DCs are very happy and lovely). And I have no family here and I'm stuck here thousands of miles from my family for the foreseeable future due to my DCs. Life really sucks right now...

Exactley crispy, you are so right. Support each other's parenting, yes. But pulling you down over it despite you saying how it made you feel (which can i just say, after exiting an abusive situation in your past, it is amazing you could express that......no. Relationships shouldn't be this hard. You sound absolutely lovely, you deserve and will have better xx

Wallaby, thank you. I appreciate this. I'm just so tired of the drama... I think I got into this relationship too quickly. In my defence, I wasn't looking... I should have given it more time. I'm so scared of damaging my DCs (and his DC) any further. And I am grieving for the what could have been... Is it really that difficult to be nice? I find that hardest to let go of, that he could and would throw all this away for a drink and the need to feel he knows everything... It's going to be a difficult few months.

You have been so brave and strong fortackling this problem head on rather than let it slide.

You may have a few difficult months but you may have saved yourself a lifetime of sorrow.

It takes a brave strong woman to pull the plug like that and you are tat person.

Thanks. You are all saying I am strong so why don't I feel that? I will miss him...

Well done for taking positive steps to end this.

I've no idea why you think everyone in London drinks, I lived in London all my life, no-one I know drinks a huge amount. The population is 8 million! I'm sure you can find a non-drinker.

It would be very strange if you didn't miss him. There have been some good times and it wasn't all bad. Being a parent is hard enough without someone criticising you. He doesn't sound like parent of the year himself.

Having constant battles is not normal. Basically it is not a healthy relationship. I was in a very unhealthy relationship which was like a war zone. I tried to make it work but it didn't. That was over 17 years ago.

I see some of my siblings and friends in very healthy relationships where they support each other, look out for one another, work hard and have a laugh. I know they want to kill their DP at times but overall they are happy. That is what I would love.

Your relationship is not happy and I think you owe it to yourself to get out. You will feel lonely but at least you will be out of an unhealthy relationship. It can be very lonely I know but staying is not good for you or the DC.

You will definitely cope as a single parent and you will at least be in with a chance of making yourself happier and perhaps meet someone else at some stage in the future.

I could of written your post myself as going through nearly the same! Except I haven't yet made the brake away..... Have plenty of times but keep letting him worm his way back!

Difference is we have a new baby together along with our older dc's from previous marriages.

Everything is about drink with him, even a nice walk down the river yeasterday with baby was actually "oh it's muddy and he took the pram and basically ran to the nearest pub" even I trip into town shopping means the pub for beer!

I'm meant to be going out with friends tonight just for a few hours (1st time since having baby) and already know I'm not going to be able to go, he disappeared at 11am this morning to watch football and if he actually remembers to get home as I'm going out there will be know way I can leave the baby with him in the state he will be in!

I broke it off before Xmas but let him worm his way back purely because I'm scared I will have to give him EOW access to the baby and I can't put her at risk from his drink driving, passing out drunk etc!

You truly are doing the best thing for yourself and your dc's it's not normal for them to grow up thinking that level of drinking is normal because it isn't!

I'm going to get brave and do the same as you, 2015 will be mine and my dc's fresh start and I will fight with the proof I have (email admitting his drinking/drink driving etc) to make sure he is not allowed to ruin my baby girls life

Best of luck op, I wish you and your dc's all the best

Homepride1 - You poor thing, you know you cannot win? 'D'H's ex thinks it's amazing I actually got him to stop drinking at home. But that's not the point really is it? It just makes him want a drink once he is out of the house... He was actually going to stop drinking for the whole of January. Guess he's off the hook now! I've told him before I don't enjoy the fact that after he's had a few, he falls asleep for the next three hours, and I'm left to entertain myself... It's boring for me! My exH barely drank, pity he found his thrills in other ways!

We talked about kids at one point (whether it would be a possibility), he would have liked to while I felt pretty much done. Lucky we never got that far... It's so much harder when kids are involved...

I know I can do it as a single parent, I did it for 8 months before we met. I just feel so disappointed that this was not all that was promised... Having a lovely day with the DCs, they are having a grand time in the science museum!

Homepride1, I hope this thread gives you the strength to do what you know you need to do. Your OH is utterly stupid and selfish

Good luck

Thank you crispy and youngbritish

This thread has helped massively, I'm not afraid of being a single mum, I brought my older 3 dc's up alone for 4 years before I met dp. They were all under 4 when my marriage broke down so I have been there and done it so that doesn't faze me!

I have only been hanging on because I'm afraid if dp took me to court (big if might not bother and just get drunk) but if he does I need to protect the baby and make sure he can't ever put her at risk..... Because sadly u know that a drink will always come before her!

I just came back from a wonderful day with the DCs in London. Now came straight up the room, I haven't felt well all day.

Homepride, never mind if my H wants to drink myself to death, my biggest worry is I never want my DCs to think that is normal. It's bad enough they keep asking for Coke as I have a rather bad addiction to diet Coke but only when I'm out. I really need to kick that one in the head as well.

You have a lot on your plate, but I seriously doubt your DH wants the responsibility of looking after a baby. My exH was quite happy to do his minimum EOW and one weekday night a week. Do what you need to survive now, just make tiny steps to make that break for freedom... He's not a good example for your DCs. I have told H before that if he doesn't bring anything positive to our lives, then why would I be with him? And the bad has far outweighed the good at this point safely...

crispy I'm glad you have had a good day and hope you feel better soon!

I'm currently camped up in my bedroom with the baby while he gets into his 2nd bottle of wine downstairs after being out from 11am till 8pm drunk out of his head then got the arse with me when I would not let him carry the baby upstairs!

I have told him it's over and that I expect him to be out of my house before I get up in the morning!

Your post has given me the push to do this once and for all op, I wish you and your children the best and a happy new year xxx

Homepride, I doubt he will leave in the morning... I've been communicating minimally with H once I got back. Went and got the DCs into bed and came upstairs. I so want to tell him about our day but I can't as I know he will take it as a sign we are 'back on'. And we are not. I cannot see us getting past the alcohol issue. I cannot see us getting past the parenting issue. That's the bottom line. And for my DCs' sake, he needs to go soon. Two biggies there!

Keep posting here if you need the support, things are rarely that easy/simple in real life. I'm here for the long haul! However long it takes to get that drunk out of your life forever... All the best, stay strong. We deserve so so much better!

I have made it clear to him he must be gone before the baby wakes, if not I will call the police it my house and he has no right to be hear without my say so!

I have got some good advice by looking through the legal board on here and I will speak with my health visitor in the morning, I already have paper trail from my booking in appointment with midwife because we split when I got pregnant because he didn't want the baby! I also have email from him this year admitting he is a alcoholic, drink drives, needs to keep drink in the car etc so that should help if he bothers going to court to try and get access!

I hope you can get away from your H easily and quickly op