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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

So lonely I keep texting him

24 replies

Aloneandnowwhat · 27/12/2014 15:45

So we split up on Christmas Eve, it was a brief intense relationship. I love him and I can't stop thinking about him, it was so good when it was good. He's not too bothered it seems but I seem incapable of retaining my dignity and so keep messaging him.
I have two young children and it's so hard trying to keep a happy face on. How do I get over this :-(

OP posts:
Sickoffrozen · 27/12/2014 15:47

Delete his number.

This won't get you anywhere and it's soul destroying waiting for a reply that will never come.

It's almost certain to not work either.

Cantbelievethisishappening · 27/12/2014 15:48

Time, time and more time. Keep busy. Keep a journal and write all your thoughts down. Delete his number and all message etc so you cannot retrieve deleted number. Do you really love him or was it more lust/obsession? You will get through this but only if you help yourself as well.

INeedSomeHelp · 27/12/2014 15:51

Find something to do - anything that will keep your hands busy and away from your phone.
I used to write a list for myself of all the little jobs that needed doing that I never seemed to get round to - things like clearing out the junk drawer in the kitchen, sewing loose buttons on etc. Anything to act as a distraction.
You will just torture yourself by sending messages and hoping for a reply. But it does take time.

Original poster
Aloneandnowwhat · 27/12/2014 15:51

We had booked a holiday and he is now going with someone else. I need to get the money back hopefully.
I want him to hurt like I do - that's pretty bad isn't it. He's just so unfeeling when we were really close.

OP posts:
nuts2you · 27/12/2014 15:54

There's a book called 'Don't call that man's which has a good understanding of what it's like to be in this situation, you might want to take a look.

spinduchess · 27/12/2014 15:57

You've loved this man for a couple of months, but you've loved your kids for all of their lives! Think of how much they mean to you, and slap on that 'face the world' face we all have.

Delete the number, and go and get stuck in to playing with the kids. You might be sad and lonely, but you will feel less so if you are distracted. Busy people don't have time to text their ex!

Original poster
Aloneandnowwhat · 27/12/2014 15:57

I'll look for that book thanks.
Going to delete everything now. I thought I'd met the one, really don't want to date again but also really lonely.

OP posts:
nuts2you · 27/12/2014 15:59

There's no shame in being lonely OP. It's a really tough time for a breakup, too :(

fairyofnewyork · 27/12/2014 16:01

Must say that book looks PROFOUNDLY offensive to women from a quick preview.

Original poster
Aloneandnowwhat · 27/12/2014 16:05

Really fairy? haven't looked yet. I spent a lot on him for Christmas and had already given it to him before this. Just thinking how lonely I am makes me want to cry, yet I have two beautiful kids and should be happy.

OP posts:
fairyofnewyork · 27/12/2014 16:15

I would download THIS NOW:
www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/my-books/the-no-contact-rule/

Has been a lifesaver for me. You have my FULL SYMPATHY - it is awful but you CAN DO IT. Same behaviour = same results. He can't miss you while you are still contacting him and if he doesn't then it is HIS LOSS and you need to move on, with your self esteem in tact. Easier said than done, I know - it took me six months before i realised my self esteem meant more to me than a few breadcrumb texts from a loser. GOOD LOOK TO YOU x

BrowersBlues · 27/12/2014 16:24

OP you are going through a difficult time. Don't be hard on yourself. It would be strange if you didn't care. It can be very very painful and I have been where you are now.

My DC were very young at the time and I leaned on them because they loved me. I would snuggle up beside them and watch films, play games and take them out. The love they gave me unconditionally helped me enormously.

The pain was still there but trying to focus on them really helped. Your DC love you and they need you. You will get over the pain. It is really hard so just accept that your feelings are completely normal. I know you feel alone but there are strangers all around the world going through the same as you right at this moment. I think it is tougher to experience this loss at Christmas.

Tell yourself that you love yourself and accept the pain as normal. You will still feel the pain but comfort yourself, be your own best friend. Try not to panic. Statistically you stand a very good chance of getting through this and moving on to other new experiences. Just accept that it is over and allow yourself to be a little bit excited about finding someone new in the future. It already happened to you and it is likely that it will happen again.

If you can't face deleting his number just now turn off your phone to give yourself a break. When I was going through this I couldn't face deleting his number. One of my friends deleted it for me and although it was agony it started the process of me moving on ever so slightly. Take care of yourself.

ChristmasTimeName · 27/12/2014 16:29

Give your love and attention to your DC.

Ohbollocksandballs · 27/12/2014 16:33

I know this feeling and I promise you it does get so much better, but by texting him you are only prolonging the agony. There is always someone here to speak to you, no matter what time of day. Take care, OP

Original poster
Aloneandnowwhat · 27/12/2014 17:14

Thank you all for the support. Before I met him I was so strong and happy on my own and now I feel pathetic and weak.
I wonder how many times a person can go through this before they give up? I fell for him completely.

OP posts:
Original poster
Aloneandnowwhat · 27/12/2014 17:24

I just keep wanting him to realise how much he misses me and call me.

OP posts:
Natalie12341 · 27/12/2014 17:31

Am in the same boat I am doing the same thing. I've deleted his number but can't bring myself to delete the texts :(

Original poster
Aloneandnowwhat · 27/12/2014 17:33

Natalie isn't it just awful? Makes me want to stay single forever rather than go through this again.

OP posts:
Ohbollocksandballs · 27/12/2014 17:33

And you will be strong and happy again. Either alone or with someone who loves you.

Natalie12341 · 27/12/2014 17:36

I think it's just so hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel we will get there hopefully soon. Am 25 weeks pregnant to I've never in my life felt this bad. Just crazy how someone can go from loving you to not at all that just makes it harder trying to get your head around Confused x

Original poster
Aloneandnowwhat · 27/12/2014 17:41

Oh Natalie I'm so sorry, now I feel like an idiot, your situation sounds so difficult. Do you have support?

OP posts:
Natalie12341 · 27/12/2014 17:49

I've moved in with my mam for a little bit. We finished 12 days ago my mam doesn't no the full situation I have tryed to speak to my ex he's the only person I feel like i can talk to. But he's always to busy.. He's said he will support me but I've had hospital appointments last week and he didn't come. I've been messaging him again today! I wish I could just cut all ties with him because this is going to make me really ill. As am struggling to eat as it is. Ahhh sick of feeling like this x

Ohbollocksandballs · 28/12/2014 11:08

How are you feeling today?

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