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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Match.com horror stories

49 replies

pieceofpurplesky · 27/12/2014 15:42

Wondering if there is a thread where people warn against users and share stories??

I just joined and being cautious I chatted to a seemingly nice man, decent pics and profile. Told me about family and university - did puck up on odd language errors though. After a couple of days out of the blue and chatting about movies I got a 'you make my dick hard' message and since I then stopped talking and I have been called a 'professor whore' etc. now I am not naive and know this exists but the vitriol since I stopped chatting is vile ( he is blocked now)
I have reported as something also didn't add up with spelling and way of talking ( as if English was not first language ... Kind of Yoda speak!).
Is there a name and shame thread to warn others?

OP posts:

OhBuggeringBollocks · 27/12/2014 20:19

Met DH on Match, together 10 years with 3 DC.

Had to kiss a lot of frogs though, including the in the closet transvestite, the mental hospital outpatient (I have MH issues, he was something else though), the man who wanted to meet up in his car for sex etc.

Ah those were the days...

nuts2you · 27/12/2014 20:25

Met my DP on Match too. Lovely, lovely guy with a wonderful extended family who welcomed me with open arms. Together 6 years now and have children as well.

Wrapdress · 27/12/2014 22:00

How ironic. Finally get to the point - today!! - of mutually winking with a man. He emails me and signs with his 1st name. His last name is part of his user name. I did two seconds of googling and find his mug shot and his repeated charges of domestic violence - including it being the cause of his last divorce, finalized in 2012.

So, yeah. Won't be emailing him back.

vitabrits · 27/12/2014 23:15

Four short messages between you, and if a meet up hasn't been arranged, block and move on. Sounds counterintuitive to some women, but it weeds out those who aren't really serious/are secretly married/only want to swap pics etc

Mom2K · 28/12/2014 04:33

The one and only time I set up a profile on POF just to see what it was like, I had a 50 yr old man IM me & his profile said he was married, this was years ago and I'm only 30 now. I didn't respond to him and deleted my profile instantly - I thought it was creepy.

However a friend of mine has been on Tinder (which she said people tend to use as a hook up site, but that's not what she's after) and she did meet a guy she really likes and they've been seeing each other for two months. But that relationship is dead as he made it clear he wasn't looking for a comitted relationship and knew he was moving away after two months. He's gone now and she's sad...but the guy was up front with her about it.

Another friend of mine gave POF a try and the guys she did end up meeting never looked the way they did in their photos.

I personally don't know anyone who has met their partner through OD. And one other man I know was scammed for money (although he had been warned by friends that he was being taken in, he chose not to listen).

So...I don't think I would ever try it again personally. I'm also not into clubs or bars...so if I'm going to meet someone, I guess it would have to be during an activity, or through mutual friends etc.

nickyangel · 28/12/2014 06:53

What even is a 'Professor Whore'?? Sounds a good career option, sign me up!

Seriously, though, I did dating sites before I was married. I used to be surprised at the amount of men who thought that either 'hi' and nothing else, or sending pictures of a disembodied c**k close up were honestly going to get women clamouring for sex with them.

GingerbreadPudding · 28/12/2014 08:02

I did online dating twice, each for a few months and both times I met someone I was with for a while - one for four years and one that I'm now married to.

I didn't really have any bad experiences and I'm sure that's because I spent a LOT of time really reading profiles and having quite a clear idea on what I wanted and didn't want (e.g. They had to live relatively close by, had to have a degree (dated several blokes who had a real bee in their bonnet that I did and they didn't), had to want children, like being in the countryside and not have any sport watching as a hobby).

I discounted any men who were looking only for women ten years younger than them, posted selfies with their chests out, posted pictures of them with their drinking buddies or endless skiing photos (yawn). I also discounted any that couldn't spell or write a decent sentence as that would have driven me mad in real life.

I then contacted the men I liked the sound of and paid little attention to any 'winks' etc that I got from men which, to me, just seemed like pointless flirting.

I think it's a mistake for women just to respond to the offers they get instead of being proactive. Men are more likely to just click on a pretty picture than really think about comparability I think.,

gemdrop84 · 28/12/2014 09:08

I have no experience of these sites but my friend has joined one and boy has he been on dates with some weirdos!!

CapsicumCat · 28/12/2014 10:02

Oh I wish there was a way to warn people.

I met my ex on a dating site. Met v quickly sparks flew. Thought we were in it for the long haul.

Two months later I was diagnosed with cancer and despite telling him he didn't have to stick around he insisted 'we were in it together'. Came to my appointments. Held my hand through the chemo. After about 6 months went cold after being ultra keen. Again said I wouldn't hold it against him if he wanted to split. He was totally insistent he wanted to be with me and was just trying to build up his business for 'our future'.

After 13 months I realised I had to end it. Found he was active on dating sites again (the one I met him on and another). Went to confront him to find out I had actually been the 'other woman' all that time. He had never actually split up with his partner of 15 years although they didn't actually live together.To cover his back he claimed to her that I was a mad delusional stalker who wouldn't leave him alone.

To back up his story he even rang the Police to report me for harassment!! Told them he'd been doing some work at my house (he's a trades man) and I'd just become obssessed with him and started stalking him. Bad enough in itself but even worse because I'm in the Police myself so it was designed to cause me trouble. It didn't obviously as none of it was true just the embarassment factor really.

He has now deleted his profile but I imagine he will pop up again and he really should have a government health warning!

OneSkinnyChip · 28/12/2014 10:08

I agree with Gingerbread, you need to be proactive and keep your wits about you. Avoid messers who won't meet up and be clear about what you want.

AngieBolen · 28/12/2014 10:19

A couple of posters on this thread have successfully googled, but it's not always that easy.

A friend of mine met a man online and when he started being violent towards her I googled him - by then I knew he used more than one name. Nothing stall came up, and I'm usually quite good at digging.

It later came out he had been in prison for violence towards his ex.

The bloke us still using dating sites to find his next partner/victim.

yetwig · 28/12/2014 10:38

Can i just add its just not men, who are after just sex. My friend was on pof and said some of the women on their are very naughty indeed. He's luckily found his soon to be wife on another site :)

I have had success on zoosk and have found a very caring, genuine man. I met him after messaging a few times, can't be doing with texting for months.

AndreaKaren123 · 28/12/2014 11:14

Capsicum cat That is all very sad what you have been through x

CapsicumCat · 28/12/2014 12:02

Thanks AndreaKaren. A New Year is just round the corner and I'm (even more) older and wiser.

There were lots of red flags when I look back but with all the treatment I was going through I didn't want to heed them!

Someone once said to me that if someone calls you 'babes' or any other generic term of endearment it's usually because they've got lots of women on the go and they don't want to call someone by the wrong name!! I really should have got out the first time he called me 'babes'!!!

sooperdooper · 28/12/2014 12:12

I did a lot of online dating a few years ago, didn't meet DH via online dating but did meet via another forum about a shared hobby.

I completely agree about meeting someone quickly rather than messaging for ages, you just can't tell what someone's like until you meet face to face so I'd say message for no more than a week and then meet for a coffee during the day somewhere to see what they're like

Forget about anyone who doesn't have time to meet up pretty soon too, if they haven't got time to meet it's suspect, either they're in a relationship or just get a kick out of chatting to loads of women

sooperdooper · 28/12/2014 12:13

Oh and any free site like POF is pretty much people after sex, use a paid one if you want a chance of meeting someone genuine - some of them used to have events too, I went to a couple of Match.com ones near me

ScrambledEggAndToast · 28/12/2014 16:10

I had one that started out ok and we even went on a date. He ten told me he was going to Thailand for a holiday for three weeks on his own. It was only when he started putting all these pictures of himself draped over these young Thai girls up on FB, that it dawned on me what he had gone over there for. He asked to meet up when we got back and I declined

sykadelic · 28/12/2014 17:01

Scrambled you wouldn't believe how feminine most of those Thai Lady Boys look!

Whitershadeofpale · 28/12/2014 17:14

I don't think that's necessarily true sooper I met loads of timewasters on match but I've now met someone lovely on pof. It was a last attempt for me as I was fed up of losers and didn't want to pay any more money and he was testing od before commuting to a paid site.

Richi33 · 23/12/2018 12:43

Hi Wrapdress.
It's been a long time since you posted this comment, but could I please ask, why did you allow 160 messages to build up without interacting with any of the men?
I've been on Match for nearly two years and written hundreds of messages, hardly any have been read and those that have, apparently, they have nothing in common with me, and I'm simply blocked.
Why go on a dating site simply not to interact, hope you don't mind me asking?
Kind regards,
Richard.

3lovelykids · 23/12/2018 14:33

I know theres a POF name and shame group on facebook but not sure of any others

Richi33 · 23/12/2018 22:39

Thank you.

Teeandee · 23/12/2018 22:51

Not on match.com but I was dating a seemingly lovely young man from POF (both early twenties)

He was foreign, very handsome, had a well paid job in construction. Seemed genuine and sweet.

He turned out to be an illegal immigrant who was working in london with false documents, and selling cocaine on the weekends. He was sent on his way once he confided the truth.

I cringe.

Richi33 · 23/12/2018 23:20

Goodness me, that must have been a terrible experience for you.
To get involved with someone deeply, and then to find they hold a secret like that.
Hopefully, his lifestyle and false papers meant he was judged accordingly, and you were able to move on and settle with someone more genuine.

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