Today he pushed me

[MsFriend]

Wrote a thread earlier about my partners awful behaviour to me. Constantly putting me down or picking on me. Today things stepped up a gear.
I woke up with a box of razors for a throat. So I'm not well at all... Even though he says he is going to do the kids breakfast I end up doing it. I then sit on the floor where he asks if I would like a cup of tea.. Which I agree would be great. Then for the next ten minutes while I wait for the cup of tea he is saying things like

1. Why can't I be like a normal woman and prep food. The key to being a great wife is prep
2. My Christmas dinner was shit because it was over cooked
3. A normal woman would know what we were eating today and so on...

After 10 min of listening to this shit I told him he was starting to piss me off and to stop. He didn't. As he wasn't even starting to make me a cup of tea I got up and started to make it myself... Giving I slammed the kitchen drawer shut in irritation at him. Suddenly from behind me he pushed me into the kitchen unit. I've been in an abusive relationship before and I promised myself I would never not fight back again.. So I pushed him back to which he pushed me again. I just stopped and told him if he ever did that again I would call the police. He just twisted it saying I shouldn't be slamming drawers and be in his way. I've come upstairs crying. My three year old was in the room next door. I actually hate him I'm going to have to tell him it is over. He makes me feel like shit. I feel heartbroken

I've told him that I will be moving out as soon as I have found myself a joke b and enough money to rent. He told me I could have the house as long as I could pay all the bills. There is no way I can do that. I don't have the same earning power. I feel sad but free.

And tonight he has started drinking. I've just taken my self to bed...

Yes, it is sad. ((hugs))

Freedom is still a great thing.

Just remember, if it's his name on the bills, he has to pay.
And if he kicks off tonight, call police and get him out.

I am sorry that this happened to you. He is a bastard and doesn't deserve you and the DC. Get yourself some legal advice as soon as you can. It annoys me that it is generally the women and children who end up leaving their homes. I would also advise you to ring 101 this evening to get advice on what just happened. He pushed you first for no reason. You are perfectly entitled to slam a drawer in frustration.

You could ask the police for advice advice on getting him removed for the evening as he is drinking. Do you feel safe?

He can try to minimise it all he likes but he assaulted you. When I was in this situation the police told me if he ever pushed me or shouted at me he could be removed.

You have been through this before and I admire you very much for standing up for yourself. Please get advice from Women's Aid before you leave your own home. I hope you get some sleep.

Don't think that you are alone because you are not. Myself and other posters know exactly what you are going through. It makes me so furious to read your post, who the hell does he think he is to scare you?

I am thinking about you x

I am not intimidated by him at all. He tried to push against me saying what am I going to do. I told him I would ring the police but I was right in his face. I did not shy away. After what I went through before I will never be intimidated ever again.
We aren't speaking. He is downstairs on the sofa. I'm in bed feeling utterly sick about the whole thing going round and round in my head if it is me, but I know it isn't. He isn't being honest with himself that he isn't a very nice person Right now. He is always putting me down, having a go at me if something isn't done right etc etc. When I tell him no woman on this planet would enjoy the way he speaks to me he dismisses it.
I'm panicking now about how I survive. I'll only be able to make £30k a year in salary. How the hell do I pay for childcare and bills etc??

You will manage, I threw out my abusive ex nearly 20 years ago, I earned 10k and had 44k mortgage. It wasn't easy and I lived on baked beans for years (no dc thankfully) but I got no benefits, you will get help you can do it

Take it from me IT IS NOT YOU. He does not treat you with respect and tries to intimidate you. Please ring Women's to discuss emergency housing. This may help you to secure LA housing. You will be entitled to working family tax credits and may get housing benefit. Make some enquiries before you consider leaving your home.

I recommend you log the incident on 101. If he thinks you are intending to leave he might escalate his abusive behaviour. This is extremely common and it will stand you in good stead if you have reported it. Again, Women's Aid can advise you better.

He treats you with contempt. It is not you. Go to your GP to see if you can access counselling. I know you have been in an abusive relationship before and have learned to stand up for yourself but even asking yourself if it is your fault that he treats you badly just indicates how ingrained it is in women in your situation to blame themselves.

It is his fault not yours. Make plans to live your life without him. Allow yourself to be a little bit excited about that prospect. Trust me you will survive and thrive without him.

I left with nothing. I survived. It's 18 years on. I have a job, a home, 2 teenagers, friends, family and a life. You do not deserve go take abuse from that bullying dickhead. It is not you and you can leave. Best wishes x

We had a long chat about what happened and he was extremely apologetic. We spoke about why he is so unhappy all the time and ways we can help him move forward... Also understanding that his behaviour impacts the whole family.
We had sex last night.
Today he told me that he finds sex boring with me. Interesting considering he insists on me putting suspenders etc on everytime we have sex
to say I am boiling inside with rage is an understatement. The final nail is in the coffin. I don't need to put up with this anymore. It is over.
I have told him we can live together until ds is ready for school which is in a year. Then I am moving out. This will also give me time to get some money together for a property. I actually despise him. More angry with myself I let him back in again

Ugh. Another year??? That's an awfully long time to live with such a toxic situation to then throw your ds's life into disarray just as he starts school.

Have another think about it op. I am no expert on such things but from what I have read on mn it is less likely to get better than it is to get worse.

It may be 10 years down the drain, but chucking another year at it can only result in you feeling more and more hatred. Can't be healthy, esp for ds.

Good luck whatever you choose to do xx

He needs to step away from the porn as well!
Dressing up every time!!???
That's just bollox.

Anyway, I don't doubt for a moment that you won't try again.
You will.
You won't be able to help yourself whilst living under the same roof.
It's dire. I can tell you that from experience.

Don't forget he'll have to pay you maintenance for his kids and you may be entitled to some benefits.
Look into everything before you start making statements about living together for a year.
It's pure hell.

Stop doing anything for him as of now.
No cooking, shopping, cleaning, washing, ironing, bedding, present buying, etc.....

MsFriend , remember how you promised yourself never again. Keep that promise to the woman you were when you left your abusive ex, and to your DS who is old enough to understand and be damaged by living with an abuser. You know how it works: staying in the same house will mess with your resolve. Even if you leave after a year you will have to climb back from much further than if you leave now. Respect yourself enough to keep the promise you made to yourself.

Don't leave it till your DS starts school. As gurgle says, that will be disruptive for yor DS at a time of change for him. It would be so easy then use that as your excuse to leave it another year and so on.

Don't wait a year! He won't change and your son won't thank you for hanging around. Get out or get him out. Ps. Agree with other posters, your son will be going through a major change- new school, why put him under more pressure?

Dont waste another year of your life.

Sweetheart this sounds like my toxic marriage. Run, run, run. Now. Don't leave it another year. The damage that can and will be done your self-esteem and confidence in that time is too huge to measure. And to your dc's perception of what a relationship is. You need to be his role model of adult behaviour, because his other one is useless.
My bastard STBXH has shoved and pushed me twice since he ended our marriage in September. First time sober, second time drunk 2weeks ago. I wish wish wish I had called the police the last time.....I didn't because I couldn't bear for my dcs to witness that, but with hindsight it would have got him out of my house. I no longer feel completely safe in my own home. Keep wondering if I've left it too late to report it.