Overbearing Gay Uncle

[luckymummy2Sophie]

dd is 5 mths old. My brother is gay, only came out to the family 2 years ago (he's 35). He lives 100 miles away, so when he visits it's usually for a few days at a time.
He is soooooooooooo overbearing on dd. really in her face all the time. I think he'll scare her when she's older. I don't know what to say to him as I know he's like this because he knows he will never have children of his own .
He constantly takes photos and collects memorobilia for her, he wants to be the first person to send her a postcard...take her to the beach....put money in her bank account (!!)
I don't want to hurt his feelings, he's not a camp gay, quite butch actually (a 'bear' in gay speak, apparently!!!! LOL), but he is a sensitive soul.
How do I tell him t back off a bit?
Any ideas, without really hurting his feelings?

how, not hoe. I'm useless.

I'm an overbearing aunty and proud. Love my nephew to bits. Babies are cute- wonder if he'll be quite as doting when she is a stroppy two yr old

BINK- loved the scrapbook idead...will def do that. He'll love it!

luckymummy - I do understand how you feel. My brother too is very overbearing, I don't know how to tell him to back off politley. He is only 24, you'd think he'd be into cars and girls!!!!

He sounds lovely - make the most of it. I love the closeness my DD has with her uncles. Particularly with my older brother. Its lovely.

Dont worry about it - enjoy it

oh, and ROFL at your typos

I may be completely off the mark, but your baby is still v. young and in my experience with my own (now 20 months) those first few months are very intense for a mother, and very exciting for relatives, and maybe especially so for those who don't yet have their own children. As someone whose own family lives quite far away, I would suggest that you take full advantage of your brother's enthusiasm - you never know when you may need to call upon him for babysitting duties! Maybe you should cut him some slack, after all he's new to "Uncledom", just as it seems you are new to Motherhood. What does his sexuality have to do with it though?

i would LOVE my kids to have an uncle like this. they have an uncle who doesn't pay much attention and gets annoyed with them as he doesn't 'get' boys and thinks they should be as quiet as his daughters.
an aunt who is great when she sees them which isn't very often , and another aunt who has only seen ds2 about 6 times in his life and he's 3! she really is not interested at all.
you are so lucky.

Luckymummy what a very gracious response you have made to the advice on this thread. I hope you and your brother can work this out - I think I know where you are coming from as my Mum is quite an OTT person and I find it hard to watch her with my ds sometimes, I just wish she would turn down the volume and the...well, everything, really!

But ds does enjoy spending time with her (although he seems a little worn out afterwards, usually ). I find it best if I go out and leave them to it and you may find this works for you as your dd gets older. They can have fun and be loud and over excited and whatever and you can go and have some time to yourself.

OK, me again.

For the last time, I don't think the gay thing is relevant other than the fact he loves kids and will never have any of his own. I HAVE NO PROBLEM WITH HIS SEXUALITY

"Finally, please no more 'what does it matter that he's gay' comments"

You're not getting away that easily - this is mumsnet and we reserve the right to beat you about the head with your wrods until you are left with a merely a bloodied stump for a neck, because we are (or at least I am) bored on a Friday night and have nothing better to do.