Hi all,
In a bit of a quandary over a 'gift' I received from my near estranged dad.
Bit of background:
My dad is a total arse, but for some reason I keep getting drawn back into caring about him.
Long Rant:My dad cheated on my mum throughout their marriage, a few years ago I came on here to ask for advice as my mum told me he had had an affair with her sister - I wanted to confront him, but decided best to stay out of what was essentially my mum's business. He's generally v unreliable, been in prison for fraud, lives an interesting but precarious life based in three different countries. He remarried a woman four years my senior and has two DC with her who v recently moved back to the UK. He continues to be based overseas (probably with an OW - his usual pattern - he had an OW stashed away when he found out my mum, his wife, was pregnant with me: he left her while she was in the shower in their shared flat). I also possibly have another half sister, but he has swept this under the carpet (long story). After various small and large lies, I have kept my distance from him for about five years. When my DD was born all he could say is 'thank god she's not ugly - considering how your DH isn't exactly blessed in that department.' He is generally poisonous and v narcissistic.
We had DD in the Spring and last month he and his family finally managed to make the trip to see us. They had a few lovely gifts for DD and gave us a cheque for £250. Totally surprised as he is not generous and is usually v skint. He tried a few choice comments to wind me up, but in the end everyone was so won over with DD that we had a lovely time. His wife was really lovely and warm and really helped set the tone for the day.
The next day I wrote his wife an email to say 'thanks for being so open and warm - I don't always get on well with my Dad, but you made the day work'. FIVE minutes later he emailed to say 'don't cash that cheque'. I said 'OK - when can we cash that cheque' and he said 'I will let you know.'
Meanwhile one of my little half siblings was on Facebook detailing a list of expensive gifts (not even for Xmas) recently bought. But I thought, well, I guess he has to look out for the kids ahead of his grown up DD. Fair enough.
FFWD to last week - they were supposed to come up to see us after Xmas. I asked him what time they were aiming to arrive and he said 'sorry, I meant to say we're having Xmas overseas'. I replied 'OK no worries. Can you let me know when / if we can cash the cheque: if we can't, I'll destroy it no problem'. No reply.
I am tempted to just destroy it. I feel like that money is tainted. He has set me up in a dynamic whereby I 'need' him and I always seek to avoid it. The vindictive part of me wants to cash it but I don't want to ruin Xmas for his family. I should destroy it right? Should I tell him or is that manipulative?