Feeling a bit insecure and jealous…AIBU?

[AmonRa1]

Been with OH for about 8 months now. Our relationship is fantastic, I love him to bits and vice versa.

This post isn’t because I think he’s going to cheat or anything like that because I know (well, as much as anyone can!!) that he wouldn’t do that! I just feel a bit ‘meh’ about it and maybe want some reassurance.

He had mentioned one of his best friends GF’s before, just before I met her, saying something like ‘Oh you’ll love X when you meet her, she’s just amazing.’

Anyway, I did meet her and she seemed nice enough, fine.

He has mentioned her a few times though and it’s always pretty gushy, anyway, the other day we were having a conversation about her BF and for reasons that I won’t go into on here, I sort of said ‘I can’t imagine how a girl can be attracted to that (trait in a person)’

He then said ‘No, neither can I and if he’s not careful he’ll lose her as that is just not attractive in a man.’ He then started banging on again going on about how wonderful she is, I admit then to feeling a little bit irked and so said ‘Okay, what’s so great about her?’ but said it in a non-arsey way. I said ‘I’m genuinely curious’ He then said ‘Well, for a start she’s not exactly the ugliest thing on the planet is she? (she is very pretty) and she’s really funny, has such a positive personality, always up for a laugh and trying new things AND she’s really intelligent too.’

I just then said ‘Right, well hopefully he’ll pull his socks up then before she gets fed up of him.’ And that was the end of the convo. However, what I really wanted to say was ‘Okay stop, this is a bit too gushy for my liking, sounds like you’re jealous of your friend and maybe even a bit bitter?!’

I fully admit that I am a bit of a jealous GF but I have got better over the years and generally now I’m quite laid back but I don’t know, there’s just something about the way he speaks to her that rings alarm bells for me. I know he’d NEVER do anything, but I still don’t like the thought of him thinking so highly of another girl that isn’t me! I then wind myself up by thinking things like ‘Well, does he describe ME that favourably to people when they ask what I’m like?!’ etc etc.

Would this bother anyone else or do I need to pull my head out of my backside?

If your relationship is 'fantastic' then you should tell him how you feel. Tell him it made you feel awkward/ upset/ jealous. It's all you can do really isn't it, if it's making you feel like this?

Alternatively , forget about it and stop dwelling

However, what I really wanted to say was ‘Okay stop, this is a bit too gushy for my liking, sounds like you’re jealous of your friend and maybe even a bit bitter?!’

Then say this.

Tell him you're a bit insecure and you feel a little anxious regarding the way he spoke about her. Chances are he'll give you the reassurance you need. You may also like to consider that he is a gentleman and doesn't appreciate his friends treating women badly.

I think that maybe if you get to know her you will feel less threatened by her.

I also think it would be ok to ask your boyfriend for a bit of reassurance as long as you do it in a non-accusatory fashion and believe what he says to you.

He's being insensitive at best! No crime in finding people attractive but not on to gush to your gf/bf!

A cynic might also say that (deliberately or subconsciously) he's outlining what he wants you to behave like and / or keep you on your toes.

A cynic might also say that (deliberately or subconsciously) he's outlining what he wants you to behave like and / or keep you on your toes.

Ooh, good spot Surrey.

Surrey, my sentiments exactly, but then I was just born cynical!!!

He even said 'If she left him he'd regret it as there aren't many girls around like X' Well I bloody hope I'm
one of those girls or we have a bit of an issue!!

I've decided, if he brings her up in a gushy way again, I'm going to say something. I know for a fact he wouldn't like it if I kept banging on about one of my friends BF's like that!!

Without meaning to sound big headed or arrogant, I've been getting a bit of male attention recently so I'm not sure whether it's made him insecure so in turn, is trying to keep me on my toes a bit.

If you're entering into the realms of game playing then this relationship is doomed anyway

I don't want to game play. I'm just wondering whether he's feeling a bit insecure and that's maybe why he's doing it, but I really don't think so, he's just not the type. I think he genuinely thinks a lot of her and is just being a bit oblivious/insensitive, or perhaps I'm being too sensitive (quite probably!)

AmonRa1 -- I would talk to him about it. That way, you're being entirely transparent about your feelings. If his comments are entirely innocent, then it's an opportunity to deepen intimacy. If not, then you'll get a better sense of what, and who, you are dealing with.