Careless flirting...I wish people wouldn't do it.

[Delphinegreen]

So there's this guy that has been an acquaintance in my life for a few years. I have always had a thing for him.

Last year we were both single at the same time & met up it fizzled as he was messing about. I made it clear what I was interested in, didn't want games. I cut him out of my life amicably as I told him I couldn't be friends.

I've just found him on the same dating site so I thought I'd say hi hope you are having fun, he comes back with all this flirty banter offering to meet up. I know it's just meaningless shit. I told him this in jokey form. Then he told me I was moody. I know it's pathetic but it's upset me & made me feel really lonely.

I've kind of cut my nose off now as I've come off the dating site so I don't get involved again.

I wish if people weren't interested and they knew the other person was they wouldn't carelessly flirt.

Moan over!

Some people are just like this - they like the attention and the ego boost of a bit of flirting but don't have the capacity for anything further.

Get back on the dating site and block him so you cannot see what he's up to. Best way to get him out of your head would be to start chatting to a few nice new men and go out on some casual dates.

But you were flirting by messaging him on a dating site! If you didn't want to open a dialogue without flirting, do it elsewhere! Dating sites are meant for flirting.

Very mixed messages for that poor guy.

Yes I suppose, I did keep it boundaried by making it a non flirtatious message asking if he'd met anyone nice but it could be viewed as that.

Just look at it from his point of view:

Someone you used to date calls it off, wants different things.
Some time goes by, she gets in touch again, on a dating site designed to bring couples together.

Why wouldn't he think you've changed our mind/want to give it another go?
Doesn't really matter what the content of the message was (however platonic).

Do you like him on some level? Someone you don't care about shouldn't get so under your skin as to upset you so much. Are you secretly hoping he'd have changed and wanted to be with you?

Yes I'm sorry but you messaged him on a dating site so it's your own doing.

I see that you realise this though.

It's weird how some casual things can really get under your skin and batter your self esteem. Don't let it spoil your fun.

Point of views accepted

Given you'd previously told him you couldn't just be friends and cut contact it's a bit harsh of you to blame him when you contact him out of the blue (on a dating site!) and then find he is being flirty with you!

I think he was probably completely confused by you contacting him and then being moody when he responded.

Wishing people behaved differently is pretty pointless because you can't control others. It's entirely up to you to decide if you want to accept or reject the behaviour. That part you have ultimate control over.

Yea I get it

What did you want him to say?! I bet he's really confused.

It's not careless flirting when you contacted him on a dating site. I thought you were referring to attached people at the Christmas office party.

You told him you couldn't be friends and then YOU contacted him.

You know what he's like, OP. He's being himself and you moved the goalposts.

You're just annoyed that he doesn't fancy you! My advice: build a bridge

hmmm delphine, whats really going on here? I can see you understand that he just responded to your contact etc etc thats fine, but I'm not sure that is what this post is actually about.

Have you sat down and really thought about how you feel about him now? Are you still yearning for him? If so perhaps it may be time to approach him and tell him and ask him if he is still in 'messing' about mode or not. Alternatively it may just be a yearning for an old and unsuitable flame. In which case its probably best just to leave that scab alone!

However either way for such an innocuous encounter to leave you feeling sad suggests there is something bigger going on her. Either way i hope you get to the bottom of it. Hugs.

I also thought this was going to be about the hurt caused by meaningless flirting between attached colleagues, too. That's what careless flirting is. You've criticised someone using a dating site for its intended purpose.

He was probably just quite pleased to hear from you and thought you'd reconsidered your 'no contact' position.

I'm messed up, I just don't know how to put it right. Ah well thanks for your responses x

Oh well, just chalk it up to experience. No reason why you can't get back on the site, is there?

But maybe you could think about this (taken from your OP): "I cut him out of my life amicably as I told him I couldn't be friends.

I've just found him on the same dating site so I thought I'd say hi hope you are having fun..."

I don't understand why you would do that after having cut him out. You don't need to do it on here, but if you could understand why you did that maybe you'd feel better about it?