Do you want to know what relate is like?

[FatThighs]

I have been going to relate for the past five weeks and I cannot believe how much it has turned our relationship around.

The catalyst for going was at the end of the summer I had had enough and I asked my dh to move out - I even printed out letting details for where he lived. I had more or less decided this was it he had to go. He said he understood but could we try counselling and then he would go without fuss once we had tried.

It has changed everything and I just understand so much about our relationship and him and myself. I had no idea what relate would be like and had no faith in it helping but I was proved wrong.

I was wondering if anyone had any questions about it if it is something you are considering. I really recommend it. Post your q's!

is it really expensive? is it one on two as opposed to group work?

It is expensive but if it saves your marriage its worth it (cheaper than divorce .LOL

we're waiting for our first proper appointment at the moment.

we had an assessment weeks ago, dh keeps calling but just gets recorded messages.

i'm so glad that you're having a good experience and benefitting from the counselling.

we really need this if we're going to have a future, just hope they contact us soon.

hope your relationship continues to improve.

My DH and I need this - I want to go - but I don't think he will - he is the type of man who does not talk about feelings or show emotion - I have always struggled to get him to talk about things that are to do with how he feels - so how do I get him to go? He wont talk to me and just clams up, he says he does not know how he feels - I think he is having a mid life crisis. What happens at relate may be if I can explain what it is like I might be able to convince him.

Hi

Well I can't tell you much other as we just had an assessment so far.

Basically someone sees you and you spend an hour just running thru the issues and them explaining what Relate do and how they do it etc.

Maybe your DH would agree to go to the assessement session and take it from there - there is no obligation at this point.

They provide a 3rd party to mediate is pretty much the basic definition. They don't tell you what to do, they don't advise whether to break up or stay together even tho they can help with either depending on your decision.

HTH and hope you get the help you want.

Thanks WiFi, wil try and find the right time to bring it up, and see what he says.

the Relate books are a good indication of how the counselling works. I had "Staying together - from crisis to greater commitment" and it was excellent - straightforward and similar to their approach.

Maybe a start

we are going for sex therapy. Its a long expensive4 process and I almost gave up on it, but hey if it saves us then I am sticking with it. So glad it has worked for you. x

i asked exh for 2 yrs to go to relate and he wouldnt

then he had a sudden brilliant idea about going to relate, so we did, but it was too late for me

they work on a sliding scale if you cant afford the full fees

ratclare - we are paying £45 a session which feels like loads, we have had to cut back a lot this month to accomodate it. They do have a sliding scale if you can't afford it our counsellor said 'it is £45 a session - how do you feel about that?' and I guess they adjust it from there.

whizzfizzjustcallmeageek - we had loads of false starts, cancelled appointments etc. infact we had been trying to go for about 6months before we got is sorted. Perserve and leave messages and keep calling, I really think it is worth pursuing, esp. if both you and your other half are trying to get in touch with them - that says something about you both seeing the problema nd wanting to work at it.

good luck.

jaynerae - getting the bloke to go is a bit of a battle. I had asked mine before and he said no, it wasn't until I asked him to leave that he grabbed it as a last resort. YOu can do telephone or email consultations if he would find that easier. Also you can go on your own to talk things through - it would be better if he went, but still think you would benefit on your own. You could share with him when you get back and he may decide to come with you next time.

I sat and sobbed through what i now know was the assessment meeting. I thought she was a counsellor, but I think she was an admin person who kept saying 'it's hard I know".

Never went back!!!

lilymolly - good luck with it all - I really hope it works out for you. It is quite a stressful and tense process and then handing over £45 at the end feels strange!

I hope you see the benefits soon.

fartsmeistergeneral - we ended up with a different counsellor from teh one from the intial appointment who has turned out to be much better. I think they see lots of sobbing. I hope things are better for you now. The books are great if you think they might help you.

Best wishes.

ft, that was 3 1/2 years ago. Still together, crisis we had actually saved our marriage I think!