No parental care as a teenager: haunts me still

[Frizzbeol]

Just watched a film about a 14 year old girl groomed over the internet and then raped. It's bought back memories of all the scrapes I got into as a teenager that have affected me all the way into adulthood (43 now). The parents in the film were so present and caring. I can't get my head round how shit my parents were at a time in my life when I needed them most. They divorced when I was 12 and there was no love or care after that - was left to get on with it (my mum had nothing left for us after work and her boyfriend). I floundered around depressed, got into drugs, got pregnant, had a couple of incidents with guys that I can't bring myself to think about now - basically got myself into an absolute state (weighed 5 stone at one point) and got no help or compassion from my family. I don't get it, I just don't. I will never forgive them for it. Nowadays it's all happy families, like the chronic neglect never happened. Most of all I hate myself for sinking so low. Am I wrong to blame (my mum mostly) or should I just accept that I am responsible for what I did? I would die rather than see either of my dss that unhappy. I just don't understand it.

Thank you Browsers. I am the same with my kids. I have said to my eldest (13 now) that if he starts to feel unhappy or is struggling with anything he is to talk to me and we can work it out together. Feeling completely alone at that age is not something I ever want him to experience. Sorry that you went through that too

Butterflies - well done for coming to terms with it all at 21. It all dragged on a lot longer for me. Something else I tend to beat myself up for! Should have pulled my socks up and got on with it instead of wallowing in anger and self pity (pretty depressed by then). But my life is good now thanks to ADs and the wisdom that comes with getting older. My kids are the best thing that ever happened to me, that I do know.

Gosh frizz it certainly didn't happen all at once.. But now, I've an adult ds(I'm 55) and just this last year he's written me some thank-you mails for all I did for him since his dad died when he was 12. I treasure those and they were completely unexpected. Really filled me up. Didn't know at the time that it would all come out well, tho.

Ah well, we're in a good place now and I'd hope that others' outcomes are as good.

I keep thinking I have come to terms with it, but then realise that actually I haven't. I don't think I will ever come to terms with growing up without a mother. My mother was more like a housekeeper. She cooked and cleaned but that was all. No emotional care or input. No thought or concern about me or towards me.

She may have been depressed. But whilst neglecting me, she was simultaneously showering my sisters with love and affection so I am not sure about possible depression. She undoubtedly did not bond with me. But even that is no excuse to emotionally neglect and ignore me the way she did. I really do despise her for not having the decency and courage to at least admit and acknowledge her failures like my dad has done. She clearly did not self reflect in the slightest during the 8 years of NC. Instead she was filled with self pity at having such an ungrateful daughter after all she had done for me.

Thankfully we moved a fair distance away from my parents when I decided to go NC so even though we are now back in touch I still feel I have my own space and they are not close enough to be able to just drop by.