I know I shouldn't do anything but I am so frustrated.

[30somethingandticking]

First time poster. Mid 30s and my husband left me earlier this year for OW. I haven't coped well but now finding my feet again.

I am now in a situation (in my head) where I am fantasising about a man I can't have and who I should leave alone. I have basically fallen for my DD's volunteer football coach and can't get him out of my head. He has absolutely no idea about this.

The trouble is he is happily married and I know I don't want to screw up his wife the way I was by my ex. He is solid, reliable and holds down a great job - and he has been very kind to me over the past few months.

Our DDs are good friends so he occasionally stops by to drop off/pick up. I have a fantasy about opening the door wearing my bathrobe, dragging him inside and absolutely nailing him. (Obviously the practical issues here aren't part of my fantasy!)

Not sure why I am posting other than I can't tell any of my friends. What should I do to avoid a messy situation?

I think what you do is make sure you're clear with yourself - this is a fantasy, not a plan, and that's not harming either of you as long as it stays on the inside of your head.

I think what it means is that you're starting to think of yourself as a sexual person again, as someone who could start a relationship, or just go out and get some sex. But you're not ready to make the moves in real life so have picked someone you know is not available, which keeps it imaginary.

That's ok, it's normal, it's healthy. Maybe think of it the way you would a girl getting crushes as a way to 'practice' those feelings before she's ready for more.

Good to get it written out, to get it out of your system. Hang in there and you'll meet someone just as good who isn't married.

Don't do it. Normally they say 'we regret the things we don't do more than the things we do do,' but this is an exception.

I think the first thing to do is to reassure yourself that what you're feeling is normal. Being rejected for someone else hits very hard and is incredibly personal. It also leaves you without the affection and intimacy that you've been used to with your partner. A big part of you wants someone else to find you an attractive woman .... totally normal. This guy isn't the answer - you know that already - but your crush is just your psyche's way of trying out feelings that have been put on hold since you were rejected.

Sounds like you need human contact, companionship, fun... and love. Talk to your friends, tell them you're lonely. See if they know any nice unattached men you can legitimately lust over. :)

Maybe this man displays all the personality traits that your dh didn't..and that's why he's so appealing.

You should look out for an available man with similar traits.

Thanks for all the helpful posts. As suggested above, I think he has many of the qualities that a good man should have and I am pulled to that. Maybe time to get online and try to test the water. I definitely didn't feel up for it for a long time but "Mr Right but not for me" has maybe given me the spark to get going.