i recently hit a very low point in life. i had another thread where i just couldn't see any positive to my life.
I have been to see gp and had a councelling session. Which has helped enormously but i still feel as if i'm not being 100% honest with myself in my life. I'm afraid to admit a few things.
I am usually someone who can deal with things and piece the puzzle together quite well and continue day to day achieving things.
But i'm afraid to actually speak up for I want to achieve. i realise i have been trying to fix other people or help them achieve things. They are not my own wants and desires and dreams. I do have my own but theyare pushed to the back and now i've got to the stage where I am too afraid to voice them and act.
Take for example my partner. we don't live together due to work commitments. also i don't want to uproot my dc yet. She is a priority in my life.
Recently i needed his support on my low point day and he wasn't there for me. I went nc as i felt totally take for granted and snapped. I was so angry at myself for asking his help as i rarely do and him not realising the importance. But he arrived at my door a day later and asked what was going on. This journey took him considerable time. We talked and i do love him and me him. And he said i need to open up to him when feeling down.
But i feel i can't. I think the reason is because of my pride but also because he seems quiet content on having this relationship as it is. In my goal i want, i would like us to move forward and move in together. What's the point of a relationship if it doesn't progress to another stage.But he is showing no signs. tells me to take it easy that there is no rush. There isn't in a way. But i feel it says alot about our relationship. I have decided to continue it but everyday that passes now i feel what's the point. it's been 4 years and altough he has made some progress towards settling he hasn't said it in black and white. I feel i'm in limbo with my own plans and hate this feeling. I don't want to break up, i do communicate badly at times but he is aware i want plans for a future, but i feel i'm slowly letting this go because it's like groundhog day and I don't want to at all.
Any advice would be welcome but i realise it's completely confusing to the outsider looking in.!